God, Satan, & Job

I have to go here, because it makes me laugh. The story of Job in the Bible is one that some folks want to look at when they are questioning their place in life. When things are going wrong. No matter how hard they are trying. No matter how much they pray. No matter how much they tithe. No matter how much they try to put themselves in position to do well. Things just don't happen for them. There are walls up everywhere and stop signs on every street. It's in those cases when those who are doing OK will tell you that you should be a thankful person and that you should stop to count your blessings. And, after all, if you want to see REAL suffering, just look at Job. Alright, let's do that. Ready. Set. Go!

Job, we are told, is a very good man. He did all the things that he was supposed to do under Old Testament law that was handed down from God to man (more specifically, Abraham and Moses). He worried quite a bit about his children and whether or not they were sinning. Job didn't want God's wrath to come down on him or his family, so he would send burnt offerings to the Lord Thy God, to appease the big guy. Job had a good thing going. God liked him and he liked God.

One day, God, the "sons of God" (I don't know who these guys are, but apparently, they were friends of God) and Satan were standing around, looking over things, when God asked Satan, "Get a load of this guy, Job! He does all that he is asked. He's a righteous dude. What do you think of him?"  Satan replies that it's easy for Job to be a good man, because he is in Gods favor. If Job didn't have all these blessings from the Lord, he would be pissed and turn his back on him. God loved Job, but apparently liked a good wager better. So, he told Satan he could attack Job's life (not his physical life) and possessions to test the mans faith. Wow, with friends like that, huh?


So, Satan sets about destroying Job's family and belongings. The Desolate One (aka The Master of Abortions) starts killing all of Job's livestock and basically robbing the hard working man of all he has accomplished. There was a feast in which Job's offspring were having dinner and here came the Devil busting up the party, swooping in and killing them all. Did Job curse God? Did he ask why? Nope.....he basically said "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away." He then shaves his head and tears his clothing. Hey, give him a break, you had to expect some reaction! Maybe not that exact reaction, but a reaction of some sort.


Job loses all his stuff, his home, his kids, he has no hair, and his wardrobe is ruined. But......he STILL will not get pissed at God and shake his fist at the divine one. So, God props his feet up on his desk and says to Satan "Ha! How about you now? Job is a righteous man!" The Devil, who would later go on to do fiddle battles in the deep south, replied "Well of course he still calls you master, he has his health."  And with that, our loving, heavenly father allowed Satan to attack Job's health, so long as he didn't kill him. Satan got with it and afflicted Job with boils. For whatever reason, pottery must have been sort of like salve in biblical times, because Job begins picking at his sores with broken jars. His wife tells him to curse God and go ahead and die, already. But, you know Job. He's just along for the ride and refuses to do so. So a few of his buddies come over and sit around with him. Job finally breaks down and curses the day he was born. He does get aggravated with God, but not enough to defriend him. Job knows he has followed THE law and been a good man, undeserving of the torment. But he refuses to curse God for his hardships. A good little citizen, he is.


Satan knew that he'd been beat and he laid the golden fiddle.......oops.....wrong story. Job had shown himself to be a man of God. He took the torture, loss, and failures and didn't curse God, he only questioned it. And, of course, God let him know that HE was the creator of everything and would do as he damn well pleased. Now, you may think that God acted harshly, by allowing Satan to test Job. But, when all is said and done, God allows Job to make a financial comeback and have seven more kids. Apparently, offspring didn't mean much back then, because, like Apple does if they sell you a defective IPod, God sent replacement kids. Job, just forgot about the other kids and embraced his new ones.

The moral of the story? Quit bitching and moaning about how bad you have it, before God decides to really test your faith by SENDING Satan to dick up your life. Because, if you think it's bad now, just wait until Yahweh gets involved.