I'll be damned if I have not started feeling an old feeling again. Back a few years ago, I went through some abrupt changes personally. Changed the way I thought about people, dumped my religion (not necessarily the concept of god.....because well, I don't know shit), stopped drinking (to get drunk), started taking illegal drugs (all natural), stopped caring who thought what about me, and started trying to be a bit more personal and open with my immediate family (as I still struggle with those outside of my house...but I want to do better, so I will.....eventually). I stopped taking medication and decided to start accepting some responsibility for being alive. I think it has served me well. I've been through it ALL on this blog before, but it never hurts to give a bit of background when writing one of these things. You know....for those uninitiated to the philosophical inconsistency of the person known as Freddy.
Time is winding down folks. For all of us. Accept it. Embrace it. Deal with it. Every second that passes is one less. We are on the clock.
"This is game time, champ. You’re in. You’re in, playing, right now, and the clock is ticking."
Johnny B. Truant
I've known this for awhile, but sometimes, reading it in someone else's words makes a helluva difference. Words that are blunt and real and resonate with me. I have to shake this shit up! I've wanted for a very long time to take a crack at doing 5 minutes of stand up, just to see if I could get through it, be funny, and then see how I felt about it afterwards. What has stopped me? Me. And why would I do that? There isn't a union I have to join. I don't have to take out a student loan and get a degree. I don't have to ask mom and dad for permission. I have stopped myself by not working towards doing something that I really want to do. Out of fear. Fear of others judging me. Laughing at me (for the wrong reasons). Thinking me strange. Well, you know what? Fuck what anyone else thinks. I'll know if I should ever do it again by just doing it once, won't I? Maybe I won't like it, but that doesn't mean I should deny myself. Do I want to be dying and have someone ask "If you could do one thing that you didn't do in life, what would it be?" To have an answer for that sucks. Think about it for a second. If that question is asked and you don't have an answer like "build a rocket and fly to the moon", then you have wasted some time, my friends.
I feel a shift in my mind lately. I don't know exactly why or where it's going to take me, but I'm about ready to get off the roller coaster. I'm about ready to do more writing and honing my skills.
I have a damn near perfect occupation that allows me not to feel trapped (other than about a 6 week period during the spring) by "the man". I make enough to hold up my end of the bargain at home and have the freedom to live my life free of the demands of a person or company that believes they own me 24/7.
My time is drawing to a close and I'm gonna do me. After all, it's really all I have, isn't it?
I'mma keep it cool, and I'mma do me
It is what it is and that's how it's gon' be
Until I get there
Until I get there
And yeah I got flaws, I know I'm not perfect
But all ups and downs, will soon be worth it
When I get there
When I get there
"Til I Get There"
Lupe Fiasco
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