Ahhhh, Hell........

well yu laugh now abot these things like its a joke god is not a joke n yu will c what happens to yu !!

This was a comment made on one of my posts about a Bible story some time ago. I welcome comments on my blogs, even negative ones. This just struck me in a strange way, especially in light of a conversation I had with a friend on the subject of some Christians who love the concept of hell. 

If there is a hell, and if everything I've heard about Christianity all my life is true, then I'm going there (hell) when I die. I accept that. Just like I accept that if I dig in the back yard, I'll eventually get to China. Or if someone scares me when I cross my eyes, I'll be stuck that way.  

I'm not going to carry on about this too long, because I've blogged on hell a couple of times before. As David Bazan says it's "the poison in the well". For any Christian to revel and actually threaten someone else with hell is a concept that I don't understand (although I have a couple of theories on why some like to bask in the glory of another person going to hell), but it's not foreign to me at all. First off....judgemental much? If you are telling someone else they are going to hell, well, who died on the cross on made you judge and jury? And if Jesus is about love and forgiveness, why does he love talking about hell so much? And why even create a hell? Satan didn't create hell to torture souls in, God did. 

The hell thing was constantly on my mind all through my childhood and it lasted clear on up until the very moment that the inner voice said to me "What are you scared of? There is no Bible god." It's as if a huge burden was lifted. I can live my life, not harming others, taking care of my responsibilities and go about my business. I don't have to carry that concrete block. It's stupid. It kept me awake at night as a child.....so you can bet your collective asses that I do not speak to my children about hell, nor will anyone else. 

Here is a link to the blog about hell I wrote a year and a half ago. I still consider it one of my more heartfelt and real posts. 

The Hell Thing: August 2010 CLICK ME

All that aside, if you are a Christian and it makes you feel better or somehow superior that you get to tell others that they will burn in hell, or even if you harbor that in your heart and mind, you should really re-evaluate what has drawn you to Christianity. I'm positive that some of you have probably read something I've written and said to yourself "Well, how hard will you laugh when you are in hell!!!??". Just like the person who wrote that message to me did. The threat of hell shouldn't cause a person to worship a god, love and need are better reasons. Just like going to prison shouldn't deter any of us from killing, and stealing or whatever. If you are a Christian because you fear hell, you are doing it wrong. How's that for a judgement?

Just a quick little anecdote and I'll get out of your hair with my bitching. When I was about 20, the brother of a friend of mine (who I also considered a friend) was killed in an accident that involved alcohol. A relative of mine, who is a fundamentalist Christian, told me, immediately after I had gotten the news during a phone call, that my friend was in hell now. Thanks for that support, love, and judgement. That has stuck with me for 20+ years. I can't think of anything more disgusting and hurtful that's ever been said to me. I say to you, if the only thing that really keeps you chained to Bible god is hell, maybe you oughta look into dropping it and living your life like this is the only one you get. No getting to say your sorry, to tell someone you love them, to give your kids a hug, or to hold grandma's hand in heaven.......you are taking an awful big chance putting off the love you can share now, because you think you will get to see them again in heaven. And you are putting an awfully big burden on your mind being scared that you might go to a hell that likely doesn't exist.  

Here is the difference between Dante, Milton, and me. They wrote about hell and never saw the place. I wrote about Chicago after looking the town over for years and years. 

Carl Sundberg

Lay Down, Perch, and Pray Like An All-American!

Yes, I realize this picture has nothing to do with what I'm getting read to lay down, but it's funny. And it's my blog.

Dammit, I love some good old fashioned stupidity as much as the next guy. I've been involved in some low brow, immature shenanigans in my life. I'm good for a laugh, right? Hell, I used to walk around the Jefferson Mall with my buddy Larry, hiding a box inside my jacket that laughed. I pushed the button and it laughed and we walked behind people, keeping straight faces. We would also use the slick floors as a spot to slide headfirst with one or the other of us being the umpire. I was safe more than I was out! So, as you can see, I'm not immune to stupidity. But, I put those things behind me. I told Larry last week that it was my final time sliding in the food court. I've grown. Matured. 

So, I suppose by now, you wanna know just what the hell I'm grinding on about. Well, I'll tell ya. This stupid bullshit..........

Planking

Owling

and Tebowing

Planking? Cheese O'Reilly, are you kidding? In case you are not versed in "plankdom", planking is lying flat in an awkward space. Yeah, you read that shit right. Lying flat. Lying down. You are lyying the fuck down. No effort. No sweating. Just awkward embarrassment when a normal human being walks in and catches you. Of course, there should be a person there taking your picture, because we have just about run outta shit to look at on the internet I guess. Personally, I have never seen planking in action. I'm going to take that away as a positive if I can make it until death without ever having viewed some talentless, humorless, attention whore lying flat on a "WELCOME" sign in front of a McDonalds. 

Just look at this guy. Seriously, this is on the interwebs. It's harrowing, yet the first thing that came to mind was how good it would be to pitch a boiling pot of water on him. 

Alright. Planking. Even "The Office" had a show where the folks at Dunder-Mifflin were exchanging planks in unacceptable ways. So, I'll just leave it alone. But it won't leave me alone. Owling. Owling. Oh, yes, my dear.....owling. I'm sorry I have to just write these words....but it helps me clear my mind and look at it in a way that makes me believe maybe it's not stupid. But guess what....it doesn't work. I'm sure that most of you are aware that many a young man out in the world are involved in "douchebaggery", but did you know that there are many a young (and old) person involved in "owlbaggery"? Owling is when you sit like an owl in an odd location. Again, usually someone is there to capture the "event" for future generations to look at. Can't you hear it now;

FUTURE PERSON 1: 

Hey, Carl, look at this picture I found from 2011.

FUTURE PERSON 2: 

What is that person doing?

FUTURE PERSON 1:

It looks as though he is sitting like one of those extinct flying animals. They used to call them "owls". 

FUTURE PERSON 2:

Things must have been really awesome and going great in the world back then if they could occupy their time by paying homage to the owl and preserving it for us to appreciate.

Yep, the fuckin' planet is going to hell in Kim Kardasian's change purse and we are out there fighting the man, by perching our over sized asses everywhere like Gollum taking a dump over a bottomless pit. 

OK, owling is it, right? Has to be played out. What is there to do but move on in life and maybe go rake the yard, donate an hour of your time to the local food bank, or goof off with the kids? Oh.....glad you didn't ask, but I'm telling you anyhow. Tebowing. Yes. Tebowing. As in Tim Tebow, current quarterback of the NFL's Denver Broncos. Apparently, Tebow prays a lot. And apparently, it's so much that people who don't even know who the hell Tim Tebow is are doing it. Not familiar? Ummm.....you simply go down on one knee and rest your head on your fist as if you are talking to the almighty. I really do wish I was kidding. Hooray for humanity. Tebow is now a verb and will likely get a spot in Websters next edition. There are roughly 37,000 suicides in the United States each year. That's not enough. 

Yes, young and old alike are in on the Tebow. Looks like a lot of fun. Maybe that can be a new pose for my meditation sessions. By the way, if Tebow really is praying that much, he isn't getting much of a return on his investment, at least so far as his NFL career goes. But, I'm positive it will help him hit pay dirt at the pearly gates. 

Oh, and here is a picture of the rare "owlingplanker". Enjoy and be amazed!

PS.....I have to add this, for full disclosure;

The owling is hilarious. I can't help it. I want to hate it with all my heart. As Clayton Bigsby would say; "Open up your heart and let that hate out." I just can't help but laughing at it. It's so ridiculous. Or maybe I'm just smokin' some really good shit.   :-)

And honestly, how pissed off can this planking business make me? In the end, we all wind up planking.