Sturgill Simpson has managed to do what I wasn't sure anyone could do for me anymore; introduce me to something unique musically. I need to start this off by admitting my bias. I'm a fan of Sturgill Simpson. I've poured over his lyrics, made the connections and admired the concepts of each record he has made. I suppose "man crush" could be a proper term.....I crush on the man's music. It's changed my life, much like The Beatles, The Beastie Boys, The Replacements, and Waylon Jennings have done after I absorbed their music. So, yeah, this album I'm about to talk about was going to be a tough record for me to NOT like. So, with that out of the way, I'll continue. One doesn't usually associate psychedelia, meditation, and rebellion with what most would consider a "country" artist. I am not a fan of genre, but for the sake of conversation, I do realize categorization is necessary. With the release of "Sound & Fury" I think it's safe to say that Simpson is a genre-bender on an all-time great scale. With the release of the Grammy Award winning album "A Sailor's Guide To Earth" you could feel it coming on as he started the transition away from a traditional sound to a style that was willing to dip its' toes into a lot of different musical pools, metaphorically speaking of course.
"Sound & Fury" may not sound like the prototypical "outlaw" album, but I feel it's the most outlaw thing he's done since giving a good woman a ring. You would never describe this as honky tonk or country music, but it does have those elements soaked in that you can vaguely feel bubbling below the surface. Lyrically, Sturgill isn't too coy, but most of his fans are going to understand that he is singing to Nashville, the corporate music world, and the fame machine and there isn't much sweetness in his words. He gets his digs in. He "love(s) to say no to all the yes men, just to see the looks on their face" and announces that it's "fuck y'all season". To go along with that, the music is also a thunderous message to the establishment. He is telling them he won't be boxed in and he is separating the wheat from the chaff. This is a man letting the world know that he is going to make his art and shape his life in a way that he sees fit. There isn't much room for compromise and you can either stick with him and his art, or you can get off the bus. There is also a Japanese style anime movie released as the video track for the album. You can find that on Netflix. There are plenty of visual clues in the film that coincide directly with the message he is putting out there in the music.
Yeah, anyone that knows me, is going to understand all of the aforementioned is in my wheelhouse. I love musicians and filmmakers that don't lock themselves into an idea of themselves, or what others see them to be. You can't move forward running in place. Sturgill keeps forging ahead and with each album release, you can feel that he is stretching his talents and challenging himself. "Sound & Fury" is a collection of music that I've heard thousands of times, yet feels fresh and special. All the boxes are checked; The Cars, ZZ Top, Pink Floyd, James Brown, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Kool and the Gang, Led Zeppelin, Giorgio Moroder among many other influences. No, you don't see Merle, Hank, or Waylon on that list. Their spirit remains, but the music is rooted in 70's hard rock, funk, New Wave, and southern style rock n roll. The guitar work is vicious and in your face at times and rarely feels restrained. Sturgill continues to impress me with his guitar work. The astute listener will hear Jimmy Page, David Gilmour and other rock gods permeating from the strings. It's a lot of fun to watch him go to work when seeing him live, but he manages to convey his energy and skill on wax as well. I'm not sure if it was any part intentional, but there is NOTHING on this record that can be played on your local Top 40 country radio station. Nashville will not be able to even try to get a hand on his coattails He has black balled them from his success. He didn't need them to become who he is. The CMA and money machine has stripped most mainstream music from Nashville of its' authenticity. To borrow the title of one of the albums strongest tracks, Sturgill is going to "Make Art, Not Friends".
The album has been a revelation. I've never heard anything quite like it. It was like hearing "Dark Side of the Moon" or "Paul's Boutique" and being truly overcome with the feeling that what you are hearing is special. It hadn't been done THAT way before. It demands to be listened to loud. The mix pulls the vocals back into the music, so if you want to find them, you gotta crank the volume to 11. You gotta work for it. The album sleeve says it all; "Fuck Your Speakers". He is meaning to kick your ass and grab you by your metaphoric balls. "Sound & Fury" is a great headphone album. The synth grooves, vicious guitar, and relentless rhythm section give it an "ear candy" quality without being soft or immediately soothing. After a few listens, the subtlety started to emerge for me. I got comfortable with the music and the funk groove and beats started to show through and just totally hooked me.
This is a true concept album. With each album it has felt like an evolution was taking place in the way Simpson structured song sequences and weaved a bit of a narrative from start to finish. This record sees all of that come to a head. You are hearing the collection of songs as one piece of art. The listener is along for the ride as the radio switches stations suddenly and we get a blast of something different than what we were just immersed in. On The Joe Rogan Experience, Simpson made it clear that he saw the album as one piece of music. There aren't many musicians that make albums quite like that anymore. How many artists will release an album these days with only 9 or 10 tracks? Usually you will get 13 to 15. It's all thrown at you, hoping a song or two sticks. Sturgill is about creating an experience and in my opinion, he has made his best album to date. The total package is there. The lyrics, the music, the concept, the passion, the visuals are at a peak (or are they?). Some of his fans are going to treat this like Bob Dylan going electric. That's OK, because Sturgill isn't stuck in the past. He is moving on. The anime video is moving him towards a potential new group of fans. He has a graphic novel based on the "Sound & Fury" film in the works and the musical direction is putting his sound into the ears of millennial types who may not have otherwise wanted to listen to "country" music. It's shrewd and potentially risky, although I'm not sure Sturgill would even acknowledge either. He doesn't seem like a guy that doesn't have a plan though. He is the anti-sell out. The easy move would have been to do a sequel to "A Sailors Guide...". To stay accessible for his audience and new fans, but not really challenging himself or them. With "Sound & Fury", Sturgill Simpson has set the bar high. It has quickly catapulted into one of my favorite records ever. It feels wrong to wrap this up without having mentioned Sturgill's band. They are a trio of fantastic musicians that give Sturgill the excellence that he strives for. He allows them to be a part of the process and they reward him with steady, clever, and on point craftsmanship. Drummer Miles Miller, bassist Chuck Bartels, and keyboardist Bobby Emmett are all Sturgill needs to burn a house down. Those guys can rock, they can slow it down, they can be whatever they are needed to be.
There are a ton of reviews out there, if you like that sort of thing and I urge anyone that isn't really into sitting down and listening to an album, to perhaps turn on Netflix and check out the anime film which coincides with the album. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's a visual doorway into the music and that music is worth hearing.
When I was a kid, I pretended to be a lot of different people while I was playing. While playing whiffle ball in the yard, I could be Steve Garvey, Johnny Bench or whichever major leaguer was hitting me right that day. While playing football, I would always want to be Roger Staubach, Steve Largent, or Tony Dorsett. Age hasn't really kept my imagination from having fun once in awhile as Rock Band emerged and allowed me to unleash my inner Lindsey Buckingham, Don Henley, or George Harrison. Having a fertile imagination and allowing yourself to wipe out the grind of every day life can be a useful tool and provide a lot of fun when goofing off with friends. There is one philosophical question that I've asked others and been asked myself; if you could be anyone else, who would it be? It's a fun question, but at it's heart, if taken to a degree of conversational seriousness, it can be quite a vexing enterprise to come up with a suitable answer. I've never really been able to pin down an answer and mostly, I attribute that to my family and friends. If I were someone else, I wouldn't get to share my life with these people that I love.
Recently, I have found the answer to that question. If I could go back to the start and live someone else's life, I would choose Bill Hicks. No, not very exotic or exciting, but then, if I were thinking in only those terms, there are dozens of actors, musicians, writers, and athletes that surely have lived the high life in a way that makes them the envy of most men. Me being me, I don't always choose the obvious, although a couple of people probably don't find it surprising. Hicks profession and worldview are appealing to me. The former as a "if only I had..." thing and the latter as a reality. I'm not in lockstep with his worldview, but I have a lot of commonality with it. I've now read two biographies on Hicks, I've seen his "specials" at least 5 or 6 times each and I have watched the two documentaries about him (both are excellent snap shots in distinctly different ways); "American: The Bill Hicks Story", and "Just A Ride". I've absorbed a lot of his material and have been exposed to almost all that a common fan out here on the wide world of webs can see and hear. Even though he didn't make it "big" in the USA (he was very popular in the U.K.) and he died at 32, that's a life that was truly lived. Going out into the world and entertaining people and being persistent in trying to turn others on to the horrors, banality, and stupidity of modern life. At the same time, he offered ideas on how to fix our problems. How to love and how to care. He, at times, let us know that hope was in our control. If we wanted a different world, we had to act differently. Our evolution is still ongoing and when all the fog of day to day life is burned away, we know that we haven't gotten to where we need to be as a species or as inhabitants of a minor planet in a minor solar system in a minor galaxy in what may well be a minor universe. Being awake (which I've covered a lot on my blog over the years, so I won't rehash, they are saved on previous blog pages here) is one of the great blessings in my life and to see that rarest of state of minds in someone else, that I can recognize and empathize with, is quite exciting. With that, I want to talk about Hicks' work and more specifically, how to ingest it. He had a long career but a short life, so many of his "bits" were works in progress and you can tell as a few years pass in his work that he honed his message and got better at rounding it into a palatable "act". I discovered Bill Hicks through Netflix a few years ago and have slowly evolved into a fan and I suppose in many ways, a "follower". I mean, "follower" in the same way I would discuss Alan Watts or Sam Harris, in that I want to hear as much as possible from them on how they see the world and why it's important to consider what they are conveying through their words.
To be clear, this is for me and anyone that may be interested in learning more about Bill Hicks. I may say some things that Hicks would find false in his own motivation or belief, but I consider the man to have been an artist and like John Lennon, Stanley Kubrick, and Hunter Thompson. His art can be interpreted by the individual in a way that isn't critique or review, but is meaningful as a way of thought or meditation on the message and how it can be applied to one's own psyche. Bill Hicks has been an agent of change in my life and for the better. I pay homage to him with this blog.
As far as an introduction to Bill Hicks, I don't know if it's better to see the slick BBC documentary "American" or to watch his HBO "One Night Stand" special. Context is key and I feel like you have to try to watch Hicks work from the perspective of 1988 to 1993. What has happening in the world? What was on TV? Who were our best selling musical acts? What was OK to discuss on TV or in public? These questions have a lot to do with how Hicks' comedy can impact a person. I don't see Hicks as just a comic. I see him as a prophet. Twenty-four years after his death, so much of his material is still very relevant to our country and world. He had been looking behind the curtain, while the rest of us were going about our daily business of accepting a society that was becoming more narcissistic and driven by commerce and commodity instead of compassion, justice, and critical thought. Remember this is a pre 9/11, pre 1993 Trade Center bombing world. His political points should be outdated, but they are not. In many ways, his views on the military and war are still 100% relevant. We are currently paying the price for playing policeman and cowboy all over the planet with our sometimes imperialistic, hawkish, neocon actions. We continue to forsake feeding people for killing them. We make budget cuts to education and healthcare, yet use those cuts to make increases to developing weaponry. I wonder what Bill Hicks would think about the state of the world if he were still here, or hell, even more interesting would be if he could suddenly be awoken from his death slumber and shown what's going on. He could just pick right up where he left off!
As quotable as his acts could be, this one (below) really resonates with me, almost as much as the "It's Just A Ride" commentary. It's the root of his deepest works. We have the capacity for being better, smarter, more compassionate, and loving as a species.....so why are we not doing that? While guys like Burr and Stanhope share his resentment of the stupid, ignorant, and dangerous, I don't know that he ever wanted a great "thinning of the herd" as much as he felt like we should simply be enlightening one another.
OK, so I settle on watching the HBO "One Night Stand" first. It has the famous "think pieces" but also should be a little more accessible to the modern stand up fan. The "preaching" is still there, but he runs a tight set and from start to finish it's strong with pure laughs while still trying to drop little thought nuggets into your mind. With the shots that he fired at George Bush and the anti-intellectual Christian conservatives, it's no wonder I never found him when he was in his prime. I would have dismissed his words out of hand. I was a much different person then and didn't have room for differing worldviews. If you are the type, like me, that as soon as he gets turned on to something, wants to find out all he can on a topic, the next thing to do is to watch "American; The Bill Hicks Story". It's a modern and entertaining documentary with a fairly broad look at who Hicks was and why he mattered to people and to comedy as an art form. Understanding a little bit about who he was will make the next step much more palatable and it should be considered a "prep" course on his "manifesto" (my word, not his). After watching the Hicks documentary, "Sane Man", should be watched and explored. It tends to touch on some of the same stuff as the HBO special, but it's much more targeted to people that have an open mind and can look at Hicks as a social commentator that is going to deliver the laugh, but he's going to make you think for it. He broadens his topics. It's almost like a directors cut of the HBO special, but it doesn't feel redundant. "Sane Man" was actually shot two years before the HBO special, but it's just not as slick and "customer ready". This seems to be for the more seasoned Bill Hicks fan or those that tend to be open to receiving information or comedy in a way that is not always conventional. I believe to experience Hicks you have to be willing to put yourself in his time and you have to be willing to consider his point of view on topics that you may really disagree with him on. It's a challenge. It's art. He is asking you to take a little peak behind conventional wisdom. Who is pulling the strings? Maybe you should figure out why you believe what you believe?
To this point, I've advised "HBO One Night Stand", "American", and "Sane Man" as the viewing order. If you have the means, the next thing I would suggest is the short documentary "Just A Ride". It's short, but gives an interesting insight to how contemporaries and friends saw him. It gives a perspective on Hicks that is a little bit grittier than "American". After all of this, if you are still clamoring for more or you have at least stayed interested enough to go the full nines to satisfy that you have done all you can to embrace his genius, then it's on to his greatest two works; "Relentless" and "Revelations". Both were released in 1992 and they, in my opinion, are companion pieces. There are not many audiences that want to endure two hours of cerebral comedy and social commentary (preaching?) so seeing this as two halves of the same piece can help a person understand the total Bill Hicks. Hell, "Relentless" even ends with Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze" and then is back as his introduction music for "Revelations". Oddly enough, both of these specials were shot on foreign soil ("Relentless" in Canada and "Revelations" in England), which sort of tells the tale of his being accepted everywhere he went, except in his own country. The media was keeping a close eye on what was acceptable to be talked about and what wasn't (sound familiar?) and when you learn about the "inside baseball" that went on between Bill Hicks, TV producers, and other commercial entertainment enterprises, it's really no surprise that he didn't break out in the United States.
"Relentless", in my opinion, is his most satisfying, consistent, and targeted work. He was on. Hicks gave a performance. It was physical. It was mental. It was funny. His timing impeccable and passion on display, Hicks was giving the audience what he wanted them to have. He was bringing you into his mind and asking you to not recoil, but to accept and think critically about what you were hearing. He is telling you that he knows he doesn't fit into this world and has trouble understanding it, but feels compelled to share who he is, even if it's rejected. This is his Daniel Day-Lewis as Daniel Plainview in "There Will Blood" performance. He can seem angry, resentful, and even puzzled by our culture, country, and civilization, but at his core, he believes that love, honesty, and integrity are what can and will make us great. He didn't believe we were done evolving and when you peel back the layers of this particular performance, you get a sense that this is a sensitive person. The jokes also may have tinge of pity for his subjects, but there is also the feeling that we can't continue to suffer fools if we want a better world. In the sarcasm and darkness, there is definitely a pleading to get people to acknowledge that we need to start making progress as a species.
The second half of what I call the "Hicks Manifesto" is "Revelations". This pretty much picks up where "Relentless" left off, although it's a bit more challenging and probably would be considered a chore to endure for the uninitiated or for someone that doesn't watch it in context of its' time. Sure, all the societal, political, and entertainment stuff is there, but he also lifts the veil a little bit into the motivation of men and what, at a primal level, we really are or can become if we were to strip away our cultural evolution to expose a basic instinct. The "Randy Pan the Goat Boy" segment is just that. He jumps in and out of this character at the midway point of the show. It quickly becomes annoying for the person that is looking for the joke in the language. It's not the words that are necessarily the point in my opinion. It's the attitude and process. It's a "man thing". Yes, my dear, I'll play the dating game, but really, I'm more interested in the mating game. Goat Boy is just below the surface and we would do well to acknowledge that and it's not such a bad idea that women understand that it's there too. Hicks, for all his preaching was letting you see the truth behind the truth as far as he was concerned. We all have evolutionary urges and despite the suppression (which is a good thing for an evolving social creature, such as the human being) and lack of acknowledgment, try to know yourself. Many of his bits are just masquerades for greater points. Sometimes it's easy to get the point, but other times, it's not. That's what makes his work so "re-watchable". Like The Beatles or Bob Dylan, there are layers to some of his work and if you want to understand the artistic value, you have to spend some time with it.
"Revelations" is fantastic, but I recommend trying to find the full version that has the introduction and ending attached. There are versions that have cut those things out, but I feel they are vital to the overall piece. Hearing Bill give you a little clue of how he sees himself is important to understanding why he does his comedy the way he does it.
Bill Hicks has a lot of history and stories packed into his 32 years. He started sneaking into bars at the age of 16 and owning a decidedly adult audience. He was different from the start. He was an artist and he really did move the dial forward for stand up comedy. He stood on the shoulders of Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, and George Carlin and these days there are countless comics that are standing on his shoulders. You can hear his jokes being told by Paul Mooney (Hicks used the "we have the receipt" line for our weapons of mass destruction sales to Iraq, 20 years before Mooney got laughs for it on the Chappelle Show), and Denis Leary pretty much stole and caricatured Hick's persona along with quite a few of his bits. Politics, religion, sex, abortion, warfare, advertising, artistic value in music.....all of these topics were touchy back in the "heyday" of Bill Hicks. You didn't oppose the war and you damn sure couldn't say anything negative about our imperialistic endeavors, lest you be admonished by the conventional wisdom of emerging right wing leadership. Yeah, it's a nice punchline to say if we can shoot a missile down an air vent a thousand miles away, why don't we start shooting food to the hungry?; but the message of that "joke" is that we use all of our knowledge and resources to build better killing equipment, yet we don't use them to solve a more human problem, like hunger.You could talk about religion, but really couldn't get away with hitting Christianity on a personal level in the mainstream. He chased down the anti-intellectuals. He chased down the musicians that he felt were shaming the good name of rock and roll and called them out by name. Again, at that time, you didn't do such things. He had a bit about his starring in a show where he would hunt down and shot gun Billy Ray Cyrus, MC Hammer, and Marky Mark. He felt he was right and that he was answering their shit by revealing some truth (as he saw it). Why should they get to cheapen and dumb down music and he not be able to say it? He was a "truther" in the best possible way. His "It's Just A Ride" closer to "Revelations" is all over You Tube and is one of the cornerstone's of how I want to view life. I don't always live up to it and I sometimes drift away from believing it, but I find myself going back to it. I will post a couple of videos of that below. One, as it is, on the performance and another that has him mixed and auto-tuned in with the great George Carlin, that I find both entertaining and inspirational.
Hicks & Carlin: The Big Electron
I will probably think of more to say about Bill Hicks and my relationship to his work after I publish this, but as a free flow piece, I'm satisfied with what I've said. There is quite a bit more I could get into about Hick's influences and even some of the more negative traits that he had. He was a human being. He contradicted himself at times, but I believe at his core, he was a prophet. He couldn't have been truly understood in his time, but only in the context of seeing that time as a part of history and how it continues to impact us now. We have learned some things over the past 24 years since Bill Hicks died of pancreatic cancer, but we have also stood still and perhaps even regressed. Today, as much as ever, Bill Hicks can make an impact on our society and it's evident as he has stood the test of time. Like Obi-Wan Kenobi giving in to Darth Vader, "If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can imagine", Hicks is still a "Force Ghost" for so many comics today, like Russell Brand, Doug Stanhope, Joe Rogan, Jim Jefferies, and so many other modern day truth seekers. He is relevant and is more popular now than he was during his prime.
You can find almost every special or documentary I have mentioned on Netflix, YouTube, Hulu, or by purchasing them online. I highly recommend catching the David Letterman apology and I have linked a YouTube video on that below. Letterman made a mistake with Bill Hicks shortly before his death and eventually was able to try to make up for it, if not for Bill, then for his family, friends, and fans.
The year 2014 was a year in which I didn't really pursue much in the way of new music. That's kind of odd for me, because I generally buy 6 to 10 new albums every year. I still went out and got a few, but they were from bands that had either already established themselves as bands I want to hear or they were artists I heard live and wanted to hear more from.
So, of the albums I bought it was pretty easy to find which ones were my favorites.
Jenny Lewis- The Voyager
I knowingly heard Lewis for the first time at the Forecastle Music Festival and it was a revelation. Solid, sensible songwriting and a sweet, yet experienced voice that had me swooning for a couple of weeks after purchase. "The Voyager" still has a few songs that are getting played by me weekly. It's a good effort. The pop melodies just suck you in and she has a way of painting a picture in your head with her stories in song. "Slippery Slopes" is one of the catchiest songs I've heard in a long time and "Just One Of The Guys" is right there with it.
Christopher (Crash) Richard- Hardly Criminal
This guy was a total surprise for me. I saw him at Zanzabar in Louisville with about 40 other people and was just blown away. It didn't hurt that he covered "Treatment Bound", but this guy was excellent and so was his original material. I bought "Hardly Criminal" from him and put it on the turntable a couple of days later. Really solid record. "Motion Animal" may be my favorite song of 2014 and if I had to list 100 songs of all-time, it may sneak in there. An infectious tune to say the least!
I had the pleasure of seeing quite a few films this past year and I have to say this was a pretty good year for movies. Among the best were Gone Girl, Intersteallar, Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes, and Night Crawler. There were two that really stuck with me though.
Boyhood- Richard Linklater
This film was shot over a 12 year period. A very ambitious undertaking. Anything could have gone wrong when trying to span time like that. It totally worked though. We got to follow the characters of the film as the actors actually aged. There is a documentary feel to it that gives it some weight. It's difficult not to equate some of the points of the film with my own childhood and early life. It stuck with me and I wasn't immediately able to even put my finger on why it was so good, other than it just struck a chord with me on how much influence our parents, peers, and experiences have on us. Those things can turn us away from goals, change our perceptions on what we think we know and see. It's easy to see the parents in this movie as being stifling or even villains when it comes to the influence they hold, but they are really just people (like you and I) trying to have their own lives and trying to find out who they are while doing the best they can by their children. For better or worse. It's something that isn't pleasant to relate to at times, but it's a part of a parents reality that isn't readily apparent in day to day life. I highly recommend this to anyone that loves nuance and intelligence in their movie going experience.
Birdman- Alejandro Iñárritu
Part reality, part fantasy, part mental illness....this film throws it all in the pot and leaves you to figure it out. It's not an easy movie to understand, but that's part of what makes it so interesting. The director seems to create one long stream of consciousness and that doesn't lend itself to trying to understand the film as it's playing out. I think there is definitely an indictment of the visual entertainment system (as well as the fragile ego of those entrenched in that system) at some level and it takes a shot at all participants. From those in control, to the actors, the critics, to the folks behind the scenes and all the way down to the ticket buying movie fan. Self expectation and projected expectation lay heavy over many of the "scenes" (even if the director tries to get you to take the film in as one long scene with a series of events). What can you be satisfied with? Is it wise to let your past success and failure manipulate the person you are today? Are you doing what you are doing for you or to prove something to others? Can you find happiness running from a past that jogs just one step behind you? Questions that Michael Keaton is dealing with, even if he isn't totally honest with himself about it.
By far the highlight of my year in entertainment was seeing The Replacements at Forecastle. I truly enjoyed other acts also, including a stellar set from Beck, the hard driving rock of Jack White, and the surprisingly solid efforts from Jenny Lewis and Brett Dennen. Experiencing Paul McCartney for a second time was certainly a highlight of my year. Seeing and talking to Pigeon John was fun and I really dug the experience of seeing Christopher "Crash" Richard, but again, The Replacements topped my list. They put on a lively show and didn't just go through the motions. The wall of sound they created with the added guitar of BJ Armstrong set it apart from the show I saw in Chicago in 2013. Lots of fun and a "life" moment for me!
Most people would expect me to have a book or two on the list, but I didn't really dig into reading quite as much as I have over the past few years. With that, I will just say that the two most memorable reads of my year (neither book is new to 2014 though) were "Gonzo", which is an oral biography of Hunter Thompson compiled by Corey Seymour and Jann Wenner and "Room Full Of Mirrors", a biography of Jimi Hendrix by Charles Cross.
My favorite TV shows, once again includes the always relevant South Park. Justified and Game of Thrones were also programs I binge watched and really grew to enjoy. I look forward to the return of those programs in 2015.
There were several stand up specials that struck a chord with me this past year. The best of which was Bill Burr's "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way" which is on Netflix and is being released on vinyl also. He is the most consistently funny and spot on comic working in an era that I consider to be a revival of great stand up. I also enjoyed Jim Jefferies "Bare" and Tom Segura's "Completely Normal".
So, there you have it. A few of my favorite things from this past year. I write this to document my year in entertainment, but to also....hopefully...pass on something to anyone that may read this. Perhaps you will enjoy some of this as much as I did.
I don't have much to say these days, so I've pretty much given up on writing. It feels like self-indulgence most of the time anyhow, but to keep up the charade, I wanted to put a few things down. If you want to read on, do so....but at your own risk. You have been warned. I'm feeling a bit "saucy" today, or old and bitter....you can choose.
Duck Dynasty
I prefer to refer to it (if only in my mind) as "Dumb Fuck Dynasty". If you watch it, good for you, but seriously, isn't there something on that you could learn from? Maybe pick up a book? I do get the fascination with hicks, idiots, bad mothers, skanks, and "guido" types, because they are so ridiculous that they are amusing. For any of these shows to last more than a year or so just reveals how pathetic and empty we have become when engaging our entertainment. I'm proud to say I have NEVER watched a minute of the Dick Dynasty. So how can I judge it? By listening to the people that watch hours of it. By the way, I have no problem with what that dude said about gay and black folks or marrying a 15 year old. I like the stupid to reveal themselves. It's their right as Americans to say things that they believe, influence others and hold society at large back. It's also everyone else's right to tell him he's a moron or stop watching the show. Don't censor these people.....leave them on the air!
Music
The state of pop music is pretty sad. Between boy bands and untalented Disney bitches you just can't find anything on the radio that is worth listening to. Oh, I guess I could turn it on the country station and listen to songs about pickup trucks, dirt roads, and fucking plastic cups, but that doesn't really take me up a rung on the ladder does it? Oh, and what's the deal with Miley Cyrus' tongue? Put that thing back in your head already you ugly little troll. She's built like a 14 year old Asian boy, but insists on running around in "clothing" that would be better suited on a real woman. At least Madonna has talent.
ESPN
They don't just cover the sports news, they make it! Between their scheduling games at 9 or after on week nights and causing all of this conference upheaval, I don't have much to care about on that network any longer, unless it's a Louisville game. For all the greatness they have brought over the years, they have just about equaled it in how terrible they have been for sports. They have turned sports into a highlight competition and pretty much control college athletics now. The NCAA is filthy with ESPN money and it's been to the detriment of college athletics. It's not about the students or the athletes....it's about the money. Don't forget that.
Religion
I've gone from Christian to atheist to agnostic to spiritual seeker and have finally settled on this;
Ehh....I don't really give a shit. If there is a god; great. If there isn't a god; great. I don't really care. Atheists that gather for meetings and try to convert people are every bit as annoying as the religious zealots. I'm very much in favor of personal religion. It can be a positive thing. Just don't think that what works for you will work for everyone. Not everyone needs Jesus to live a good life. If I hear "What keeps you from raping, stealing, and killing if you don't have Jesus?" one more time I think I will claw someone's eyes out and respond "Nothing, I guess." Seriously if you need to believe in Jesus to keep from hurting others, you need to stick with it. It tells me a lot about a person when they say stupid shit like that.....as in...."this person is potentially dangerous".
Stand Up Comedy
OK, something positive! We are in a new golden age of comedy, even if you can't see it in the mainstream. Comics like Louis CK, Bill Burr, Doug Stanhope, Joe Rogan, and Jim Jeffries (among others) are just killing it these days. Get on You Tube or Netflix and find some specials by these guys or Patton Oswalt, Marc Maron, Daniel Tosh, or Tom Papa. You will get a ton of laughs consistently. Our culture is ripe for ridicule and these guys take it on from all sides.
Alright then.....thanks for nothing. Fuckin' Mayans. All this build up for the past four or five years and here I sitting in a warm house with my little ones safely tucked in and me in my pajamas with the feet in 'em typing on my computer. Where is the mayhem? Where are the meteors? Where is Planet X? I was ready to embrace the horror and this is the devastating scene from my back yard as winds whipping at speeds of up to 50 MPH struck!?!?
I know I should be thankful, but I am decidedly NOT thankful. I've invested some time and effort into this day coming. I was ready to have the last laugh and now I have to deal with the aftermath of nothing happening. How do I come back from this?
For the past two years, I watched about 37 You Tube videos and kept up with 11 blogs that laid out, in perfect detail, the end of times. They couldn't all be wrong, could they? Why would they tell lies and deceive me? I took them to heart and just stopped caring about what I ate and what I did. Does anyone know how awesome that is? To just not care! Oh, how grand it was. I put Elizabeth Taylor and Chris Farley to shame. Chicken wing Wednesday. Steak Saturday. Sundae Sunday. Muncho Monday. Saturated fats at every one of the six daily meals I had! I super sized everything. I haven't had a glass of water or a piece of fruit in 23 months! I did a reverse Jonah Hill!! Do you appreciate how hard it's going to be to lose the 100 lbs I carelessly gained?
I also quit my job! Can any of you even know where I was in life just a couple of years back? I was living the dream in middle management. Working hard to make sure the last line of defense between the company and the customer was up to par. Getting groused at by people who weren't my boss. Had my own office with a window that over looked shelving full of awesome internal engine parts. Two weeks of vacation time every year! Managing people who could barely make it in sober if they made it in at all and then having to hear shit if I couldn't get them to work like they were on a southern cotton plantation in 1855. I had it made. I was going places. Hell, after 16 years, I had $7,000 in my 401K and would have been able to retire comfortably at the age of 149. I was living a dream!
For the sake of full disclosure, honesty, and transparency, I did some things that in retrospect probably weren't so smart now. You have to know though, that I would never do these things if I didn't think the world was coming to an end.
1) Told my kids that every sneeze took a week off their lives and they need to hold it in.
2) Tipped a stripper $600 last May for grinding on my Pepe' and had to take my wife to Sizzler for our 20th anniversary. (hell, I didn't think it would matter, you would have done the same)
3) Watched "The Walking Dead" straight through on Netflix. Now what?
4) I was asked to co-host a late night Internet radio show a few weeks ago and told the guy ; "Saw off a chair leg and sit on it you asshole, don't you know the world is ending?" (kind of wish I hadn't done that now)
5) I left the lights on, the heat blasting, and all of my water faucets running for the past month. I'm guessing those bills are going to have to go on a payment plan.
6) I've been littering, speeding, driving without a seat belt, jaywalking, and tearing tags off of mattresses for months and never paid any of the tickets I got.
7) I've been stealing my neighbors Wi-Fi and downloading scat porn using his accounts. I mean, one of my other neighbors has been stealing that neighbors Wi-Fi and downloading scat porn using his accounts.
8) Before turning in last night I called and told my cousin her husband had been sleeping around on her and he had another family living in the Highlands. It's not true, but a great end of times practical joke.
9) I used my kids college savings to buy a Mickey Mantle rookie card, and then set it on fire. (I always thought it would be cool to be able to spend money like that)
10) I purposely got hooked on heroin. It felt great. Not really sure what to do about that now.
11) I haven't paid taxes for three years and sent a certified letter to the IRS yesterday mocking their inability to collect.
12) I bought $13,000 worth of furniture on a "Pay Nothing Until 2013" deal.
As you can see, I put a lot of stock in this Mayan calendar thing. I feel jipped this morning. It's not fair. I did what any normal person would do upon finding out the world was ending. If anyone would like to help me out, I really would like to know when the NEXT end of the world deadline is so I can start planning now. Perhaps this hasn't all been a wash and I'll just have to shine all this on for a little while longer. Oh, well, at least I enjoyed myself! What the hell have you done while I was having fun over eating at strip club buffets, having promiscuous and unprotected sex with men and women I met on the street, sharing needles, watching reruns of Different Strokes, choking the life out of stray kittens and giving my kids bad life advice for laughs!?!?
