Sandy Hook, Connecticut: Sadness, Anger, Hopelessness

This probably isn't the time to write this, but I'm pissed off and sad and I damn well want to vent. 

We have almost thirty dead people in Sandy Hook, Connecticut today and twenty of them are kindergarten students. The shooter? He's dead too, along with six to eight other adults. We don't know much about the shooter and really even the particulars of how it happened. What we do know is enough for now. Twenty dead children. Twenty dead kindergarten children. Twenty children around the age of five. 

First, I'll deal a little with my anger. There is no justice for this. How can there be? Even if the shooter were still alive and I could be alone in a room with him and a hammer, where would the justice be? Am I angry those children are dead? Of course, but my anger is more immediately aimed at nothing. I'm just angry, because I know that no justice can be done. Those twenty children and the their families have forever.....FOREVER been destroyed. That's beyond our control and it angers me. 

My sadness obviously comes from place in my heart that is touched because I'm a parent and even beyond that, these folks are my fellow human beings. I can't imagine the terror, the distress, the hopeless feeling, and the helpless feeling that has to be hanging around the necks of those parents right now. That's a pain that will never heal. Fade? Yeah, time does have a way of lifting a burden, but their hearts will never be the same. That makes me sad. Nothing anyone can say or do can make it better for them. I'm also sad that those children will never get to experience life. The good, the bad.....all of the shit that goes along with being a human being. They will not get to experience it. The thrill of competing in a sport, learning an instrument, getting a scholarship to college, having fun with their friends, their first kiss, their first true love, their first child..........none of that is in the cards for twenty children today. Yeah, there are thousands of kids dying every single day. Circumstances mean that there is loss of life in our world, but this wasn't a loss, it was a theft. A human being, likely a broken human being, stole their lives. He stole hope. He stole the future. He stole love. It's been replaced with grief, sadness, anger, and confusion. 

For those of you with children, try for just a very brief period to imagine your child's last moments. The terror, the fear and confusion that had to be rolling through their minds. Calling out for you and then being silenced. You having to go to the school and come to the realization that your child has been stolen from you.  It only takes a few seconds for my eyes to tear up. I can stop my pain, those parents can't. 

I'll make no bones about it, because I never have before; I don't care to pray for them. That implies that I would be believing that some greater entity cares enough to comfort us and the families or cares enough to usher those children into heaven. I don't believe that. I do not wish to feel better by believing it's a part of some grand plan. We just live and die. Looking to a god for comfort in times of death only serves to push the truth away, when we should embrace it. The truth is that life is very precious. Every second that ticks away is one less second you have to be here. The truth is not comforting, but that's the way it is. I don't begrudge anyone who believes or prays. If that happens to comfort you, do that. 

I've done my best to make sure my children understand that death is always with us. That may seem a bit odd or cold, but I don't want my kids to take anything for granted. I don't dwell on it, but when things like this happen, it's a good time to help them understand that the world is mostly beyond our control. As free human beings, we do things. We do some marvelous and breath taking things, but we also have the capacity to do great harm. I do my best to tell my children how much I love them at every chance I get. I'm sure they get tired of hearing it, but it's important to me that they know I love them. Love and truth are the most important things about our humanity in my opinion. Those are the only things that can ever unite us and help us understand each other. 

So, I'll turn into a preacher for a minute if you will allow me. I want to preach love. We should love as much as possible. It's not always easy, but it's the only thing that can truly change our world. We can't always agree. We can't always believe the same things. We can't always do the right thing. We can't always love. We can try though. If you want the world to change, then change yourself. Do your level best to put the ego aside and love people. Put aside petty differences with your friends and family and let them know you love them. Show love to others in how you treat them and the world around you. It will come back to you, even if it's not apparent immediately. Love now and it will make life easier on you down the line. 

The bottom line is, we will never be able to make sense of this, because there is no sense to be made. There can be no justice for this, because the incident was so unjust. We can only learn that life is short and we need to do all we can to appreciate and love one another. This happened to all of us. Not directly, of course, but those people are us, they just live in a different town. 

I hope I have not offended anyone. This is for me anyhow. Just wanted to pull some stuff out and express how I feel. Take care and give an extra hug to your loved ones. Let them know you appreciate them. 

**Perhaps I will address the gun issue and all that later. Right now, I just don't care about it as much as I do the bad feeling I have in my heart and stomach for the people in those families and that town.**

2012 Man Of The Year

Making cake for the hungry. My kids were hungry for cake.

Each and every year, major publications and news organizations announce their "Man of the Year". Sometimes the "Man of the Year" is not even a man. Hell, sometimes, it's not even a human being. That is where this blog comes in. You get it straight here, without influence from the "Jersey Shore" or hipster crowd. Freddy's Open Mind is a blog for the people. I will not bow to pressure from shameless self promoters, celebrity agents, networks, film studios or record companies. I will not cave in to the demands of the political elite! This blog hits upon the toughest issues facing our world today and is a vital part of my news cycle. 

The "Man of the Year" must be an individual force, who is not afraid to be on the cutting edge of thought, even if those thoughts, more often than not, lead to inaction. My readers deserve a true representative that they can look up to and use as a beacon of hope for themselves and their children.

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, circus clowns of all nationalities, I present to you;

Freddy: 2012's Man of the Year

Wondering if stuff in florescent lights really cause cancer. 

That's right. Your humble blogger (sounds like a bad job doesn't it? blogger) wishes to accept on behalf of himself, the Freddy's Open Mind 2012 Man of the Year Award. It's not every day that I receive an award. Hell, it's not every lifetime that I get one. I have been here, writing a bunch of bullshit that few see and even fewer read, and it makes me proud that I continue to tell myself that someday, someone will read one of these articles and it will make a difference. Perhaps 100 years from now, when someone finally gets around to cleaning up the Internet (what a vile and disgusting place), I will get my due. Yes, some over paid nitwit in Washington D.C. will be hired to take a bunch of trash out and he'll discover this site as he is headed for the dumpster. He'll read so many great articles about "douche bags", Sammy Sosa, mix tapes, hell, and Star Wars that he'll be inspired to publish my work and celebrate it as "great lost art"!  Seriously, is there any way that "You Might Be An A-Hole" isn't put into the National Archives at some point? How can any reader walk away from "Soccer Suuucks" and not be touched to his or her being? 

Not realizing I don't have to get married again because I caught a bouquet.

Why did I choose Freddy for Man of the Year?

 This has been a big year for me. I broke away from a job I had for 16 years (really disliking the last year or so of it), went from being a sarcastic, discontented pud to just being a pud (progress, right?), and have reduced my carbon footprint by working at home. Yes, I'm helping to change the world. I watched "Tree of Life" and didn't hate it. I listened to some YES songs and didn't hate them. I foiled a plot by evil ground hornets to infiltrate my yard and terrorize my children. I did try to watch "Super Troopers"again and continue to hate it and still have not made it to the end. I committed myself to lose 15 lbs and even though I gained 10 lbs, I made a commitment to do something and that felt good! Over the past 12 months I have managed to not say "Hot enough for you?". I have also not watched a single second of "Jersey Shore" and I couldn't pick a "honey boo boo" out of a lineup of two. I am also one of only 15 or so people who realize that we are not literally going over a cliff if DC doesn't come to a budget agreement. In 2012, I stopped using prescription drugs and started using drugs for recreation and man....do I feel great! One of my greatest ongoing accomplishments is that I am a lot a hearty and brave soul, much like Lou Gehrig. No, I'm not battling a disabling disease, but I have now gone 31 consecutive years without being in a fist fight. Those are admirable accomplishments for me and I've decided to recognize that by bestowing my highest honor upon myself. Congratulations to me and may I have a stellar 2013!

Hypochondria: My latest disease!

    Hypochondriac: an excessive preoccupation with and worry about one's health

I have come to the conclusion, after some six or seven years of worrying about having a crippling disease or being on the cusp of a major instantaneous health crisis taking my life, that I may be just a bit of a hypochondriac. Not full blown, mind you....just a little nuts in that regards. 

There are several people in my life, a few former co-workers, and some friends who can probably attest to my weakness, which I put out there for consumption from time to time. I'm pretty certain that my mother always worrying that one of us was going to get some fatal disease plays into my mentality, along with this new found fear of death. And that's strange, because I've never given much of a piss about when I was going to die. Now that I actually enjoy who I am....I kinda don't wanna die yet.

I'm the kind of person who has been tough on their body. Not necessarily overly abusive, but didn't really take care of it properly, even when I was in the athletic phase of my life. I eat too much of the wrong foods and rarely eat the right ones. I used to get a lot of exercise, but that's been non-existent over the past few years. I used to drink quite a bit and don't anymore,but of course I fear that just that short time has done damage that can't be reversed. Factor in that I'm now 44 (just like ol' Hammerin Hank) and every ache and pain gets in my head. 

When I was at my former job, my buddy Joe used to laugh at me all the time about it. He claims that I've beaten cancer eight or nine times, from my various trysts with headaches, back aches, and "other" pains. I've probably had the most success in beating back brain cancer. At least four times I've been convinced I have a tumor based on a perpetual ringing in my ears and various minor headaches. I also, apparently, have cured myself of bowel cancer by eating oatmeal and wheat bread for a couple of days. I petitioned Lance Armstrong to allow me to be the new spokesman of the "Live Strong" campaign and wanted my own colored wrist band. The reality was, I would have these various pains and after a couple of days I would always figure out what I did to cause those things myself or they just went away because they were just friggin' headaches! 

I've probably had about two dozen heart attacks in the last two years alone with another 50 or so heart episodes. Throw in a couple of strokes and I'm a miracle of the human body. I just keep on going. No medical treatment or anything. I just don't eat bacon and cheese for a couple of days and I'm cured. I know exactly what causes the "heart attacks", but keep doing it anyway. Coincidentally, these heart attacks always happen when I'm alone. Go figure, right? Sort of like that guy who says he talked to god or was picked up by aliens. Always alone.

Most recently, I defeated diabetes. Headache? Check. Sluggish? Check. Thirsty a lot? Check. Urine smells like maple syrup? (a bonus by the way!) Check. I went with this for two days (even breaking the terrible news to Nancy) before I figured out that I had not drank a cola or any tea for two days and was having caffeine withdrawal. As you can see....I'm a full blown moron. I told my cousin Chris about this and before I even got to the part where I was gonna tell him I figured it out he blurted; "Caffeine withdrawal?" Wise ass. I should have called him and saved myself two days of angst and planning for my ultimate demise at the hands of sugar....that cruel, vile substance. 

Oh, and I don't want to forget my shoulder and neck pain I have been experiencing for three weeks. I've been asking everyone what could be causing it. Heart episode? Rotator cuff tear? Some other life ending plague? No, none of the above? I forgot that a few weeks back, I worked my ass off (which I'm proud to report is all gone now) in the yard and used my left arm and a hand saw in an odd motion TRYING to cut some limbs off a tree. A few days later, I had kind of forgotten about that and the pain started getting severe. Whamo! Shoulder cancer! This arm is coming off! Then, just a couple of days ago, it all occurred to me that I had done this while working in the yard. Whamo! Dummy!

What doesn't really help me at all, is looking up my symptoms on the Internet. Not a week goes by that I am not self-diagnosing myself with Ebola, hook worms, sickle cell anemia, polio, or a ruptured gall bladder on Web MD or on some other idiots blog. 

Don't think I'm making light of any of the above. I have friends and relatives that have suffered (or are suffering) from these various illness' and diseases. I worry for them and sympathize for what they have gone through or are going through. I just thought I'd give you a little taste of what the mind can do, if you are not familiar with its power already! I always go to the worst possible place when I am sick or hurting now. The thing is, it's not going to get better. I'm not going to suddenly pull a "Benjamin Button" and start feeling better as I work my way back to my quality athletic time period (which lasted about 10 years) or my sexual peak (which lasted about ten minutes). No, it's all over but the shouting physically and I'm trying to grasp that mentally. I truly feel like I am smarter and wiser than ever. I am more patient, forgiving, loving, and caring. Hooray for me....but the sad thing is, now that I am evolved into the human being I have always needed to be, I don't quite have the physical prowess to use those attributes to their fullest potential, and that is some bullshit. 

The incredible irony, which is not lost on me, is that I am once again self-diagnosing myself with a disorder that's probably (see, I can't even admit that it's not) not real! My mind is like Charlie Sheen; it's WINNING! 

Feel free to add any comments that you wish. I'm kind of interested in seeing if other people go through this stuff or am I truly an idiot in the wilderness!

Whoa.....What the f*ck?

Jeebus! You ever woke up in the middle of the night and thought "Oh shit.....I'm gonna die!"?

None of us are gonna make it out alive and that's a sobering thought when you get right down to it. Most of us put off thinking about our demise, but there are a few of us (like myself) who can't get through a day without examining it a little bit. 

My cousin says he likes to "take death out of his pocket" and give it a look over every day, so he can remind himself to not stress out and take most of life with a grain of salt. Not a bad idea for those of us who are prone to slipping into Neverland, a place where death is always happening to other people. Hell, let's be honest; a lot of people NEVER take the time to really contemplate their mortality. It's just not in us to think about our death, when we are so geared to survive. 

As I have outlined here before, and earlier in this post, I consider death quite a bit. Not so much "where I go" after the deed is done, but what is it going to be like. Once you are gone, that's it. Poof! See ya. No getting a long last look. No thinking "Hey, I'm dead!" or whatever. One second you are tossing chicken nuggets down your throat, walking the dog, sitting at your desk, or watching Cheryl shake her thang on Dancing With The Stars, the next you are into the abyss. 

Sorry if I'm depressing you, I don't mean to. It's just that I have a little wish list that I would like to get done before the clock strikes midnight and the movie ends. I guess you could call it a "bucket list" if you were so inclined, and I'm not. This is just a small sampling of stuff I'd like to see, do, or experience before I "check out".

*See Star Wars episodes 7 through 9. I said the same thing about the prequels when I was young and after seeing those, I kind of wished the Grim Reaper would have grabbed me up outta my seat about 30 minutes into Phantom Menace. If there is a hell, Jar Jar Binks will be my companion for eternity. Can I have the weeping and gnashing of teeth instead? Please?

*See the final episode of The Walking Dead. This is a new addition to my addictions, but now that I'm involved in it on the same level I was with "Lost", I have to know how it ends. I don't want to be like Abe Lincoln. He never did get to see the end of "Our American Cousin". What a jip!

*See the Louisville Cardinals win another basketball championship. Come on, dammit. It's over due.

*I really don't want to jump out of a plane before I die. With that said, I avoid flying as to not wind up in that situation.

*I don't want to ever be able to do my "celebrity freebie"! You know, every couple seems to have a "Get Out Of Jail Free" celebrity that their mate says they can have sex with free and clear. At this point in my life and with the body I have "accumulated" over the years, it would probably be just as disgusting to actually have sex with that "super babe" as it is for me to even imagine it. Once you can't even imagine yourself looking good enough for someone else to want you, it's time to sack up the potatoes and keep things to yourself. 

*I'd love to live long enough to see marijuana be legal in Kentucky. I can stroke out after walking down to the store and picking up a pack of "Really Lucky's".

*Play a round of golf with......ehh....screw that. I don't want to play a round of anything with anyone.

*I would like to see the Grand Canyon.....and every gawdam rock in it. That should buy me some time. 

*It'd be great to see how my kids are doing in their 30's. Will they be dirty bums? Will they make an impact on society? It's more likely they will just be living a life like everyone else, trying to get by, having kids, working, and that sort of thing.

All of the above could be a moot point. Remember, December 21st is fast approaching and the Mayan calendar is running out. Stock up on bread, eggs, and milk, it's French Toast time baby!

A related post:
Have Some Fun At My Farewell Party!

Reading The Tea Leaves? I Suck At It!

Well, as you can see by my election prediction, I suck at making prognostications. The bottom line is, the old standby arguments and evidence of the past no longer holds true. The demographics are changing. The Republican party has long relied on white males to win elections, but that demographic is going to be a minority group in the next 10 years or so. 

The Romney machine did the best it could to get its voters out, but let's face it, when you have a party that doesn't truly distance itself from politicians like Rick Santorum, Todd Akin, Sarah Palin, Richard Mourdock, and Michelle Bachmann (you might be shocked at some of the things these people, and other people in the party said about women, rape, slavery, and sexual preference, but I decided not to post the insanity) . Social conservatism as it is defined by the right wing of the Republican party is hurting their chances of getting a presidential election to go their way for a long time. 

Latinos and young working women voted about 70-30 for Obama. The young people and black Americans came out to vote again. Conventional wisdom says that it would be very unlikely that the youth vote would turn out. The old ways of thinking about politics have changed. 2008 was not a fluke, it's the standard. This is the Democrat vote. The GOP can't beat it unless it makes some changes. 

I believe they really need to TRULY be the party of fiscal responsibility. It's hard to be critical of Obama and his free spending ways when Bush and the GOP majority buried us in debt and pissed away a surplus that Clinton and Gingrich had built. Cutting taxes constantly is simply stupid when we have a disastrous budget deficit. Ronald Reagan raised taxes to help with a spend deficit and when things got to moving a bit, he gave the economy a jolt by cutting taxes. We are in for a train wreck with our economy and neither party is taking it seriously enough. The GOP can really set itself a part by offering a plan that makes cuts where they can be done without hurting people, eliminate fraud and waste, raise taxes on the wealthiest 20% for a specific period of time, freeze spending or roll spending back to a previous level, and place ridiculously high taxes on American corporations that take jobs overseas and then bring products back to sell to us. Give business an incentive to come back to bolster the middle class work force. Stop making shareholders the leading indicator if our economy is doing alright.

To deal with the changing demographics, the Republicans are also going to have re-evaluate their process of opposing abortion, immigration, and gay marriage. Now, I don't mean to say that anyone should abandon their principles, but the approach has to change. Stop trying to reverse Roe vs Wade. Third trimester abortions are illegal and that's a good thing, but a woman's body is her own and regardless of how any of us feel about abortion, a person's rights are their own. Not everyone believes life begins at conception. Not everyone holds a religious belief on it. Let it go and work hard to make abortions less likely by being understanding, educating, and offering alternatives. Gay marriage is a civil rights issue that the GOP is wildly on the wrong side of. Trying to amend the Constitution of the United States to deny two consenting adults the same rights as everyone else? Absurd. Again, you don't have to support it, but I would think the sanctity of marriage would better be served by working towards helping more people stay married or not get married in the first place. 50% of all marriages fail and someone thinks that gays will hurt marriage? Nonsense. How can you say you want less government and more freedom and then work hard to legislate people's behavior? That creates less freedom and imposes more government into our lives. Be the party that wants government to do what it needs to do to protect us, build infrastructure, give block grants to states to help the poor and then get out of our way and let us do what we do. Build, sell, and buy. 

Anyhow, as a registered Republican, I want the party to be relevant. I think it's important to have more than one party, but we are quickly moving away from that. Personally, I've pretty much become a libertarian. I believe that the party must move in that direction. Move towards promoting personal freedom. Move towards making tough choices in regards to our economic situation. Be a party that can really appeal to people in all walks of life. Change and adapt or die. It's simple evolution. Which many Republicans don't buy into anyhow. 

Well, there's that.