Ahhhh, Hell........

well yu laugh now abot these things like its a joke god is not a joke n yu will c what happens to yu !!

This was a comment made on one of my posts about a Bible story some time ago. I welcome comments on my blogs, even negative ones. This just struck me in a strange way, especially in light of a conversation I had with a friend on the subject of some Christians who love the concept of hell. 

If there is a hell, and if everything I've heard about Christianity all my life is true, then I'm going there (hell) when I die. I accept that. Just like I accept that if I dig in the back yard, I'll eventually get to China. Or if someone scares me when I cross my eyes, I'll be stuck that way.  

I'm not going to carry on about this too long, because I've blogged on hell a couple of times before. As David Bazan says it's "the poison in the well". For any Christian to revel and actually threaten someone else with hell is a concept that I don't understand (although I have a couple of theories on why some like to bask in the glory of another person going to hell), but it's not foreign to me at all. First off....judgemental much? If you are telling someone else they are going to hell, well, who died on the cross on made you judge and jury? And if Jesus is about love and forgiveness, why does he love talking about hell so much? And why even create a hell? Satan didn't create hell to torture souls in, God did. 

The hell thing was constantly on my mind all through my childhood and it lasted clear on up until the very moment that the inner voice said to me "What are you scared of? There is no Bible god." It's as if a huge burden was lifted. I can live my life, not harming others, taking care of my responsibilities and go about my business. I don't have to carry that concrete block. It's stupid. It kept me awake at night as a child.....so you can bet your collective asses that I do not speak to my children about hell, nor will anyone else. 

Here is a link to the blog about hell I wrote a year and a half ago. I still consider it one of my more heartfelt and real posts. 

The Hell Thing: August 2010 CLICK ME

All that aside, if you are a Christian and it makes you feel better or somehow superior that you get to tell others that they will burn in hell, or even if you harbor that in your heart and mind, you should really re-evaluate what has drawn you to Christianity. I'm positive that some of you have probably read something I've written and said to yourself "Well, how hard will you laugh when you are in hell!!!??". Just like the person who wrote that message to me did. The threat of hell shouldn't cause a person to worship a god, love and need are better reasons. Just like going to prison shouldn't deter any of us from killing, and stealing or whatever. If you are a Christian because you fear hell, you are doing it wrong. How's that for a judgement?

Just a quick little anecdote and I'll get out of your hair with my bitching. When I was about 20, the brother of a friend of mine (who I also considered a friend) was killed in an accident that involved alcohol. A relative of mine, who is a fundamentalist Christian, told me, immediately after I had gotten the news during a phone call, that my friend was in hell now. Thanks for that support, love, and judgement. That has stuck with me for 20+ years. I can't think of anything more disgusting and hurtful that's ever been said to me. I say to you, if the only thing that really keeps you chained to Bible god is hell, maybe you oughta look into dropping it and living your life like this is the only one you get. No getting to say your sorry, to tell someone you love them, to give your kids a hug, or to hold grandma's hand in heaven.......you are taking an awful big chance putting off the love you can share now, because you think you will get to see them again in heaven. And you are putting an awfully big burden on your mind being scared that you might go to a hell that likely doesn't exist.  

Here is the difference between Dante, Milton, and me. They wrote about hell and never saw the place. I wrote about Chicago after looking the town over for years and years. 

Carl Sundberg

What Do I Want For Christmas?

I'm a man of simple pleasure. I don't need anything more than my 42" Samsung plasma television. I have an HD DVD player. I have a PS3. I have 5.1 surround sound with a Panasonic receiver that can shake the pictures off the wall. I have an IPod classic that I only keep 6 or 7 thousand songs on. Sure, I may have a Roku 2 and a Technics turntable and 300 blu ray movies. But again, I am a man that doesn't need much. Just my TV, my HD DVD player, PS3, surround sound, IPod, Roku, and my turntable. Oh, and don't forget the 300 blu ray movies. Shit....also, I like my Kindle...forgot about that. So other than all the aforementioned (and the Kindle) I'm a man of simple pleasure. So, I won't be asking for gifts of the physical nature from Kris Kringle. As a matter of fact, he can't do squat for me in 2011. You guys need to go out and shake some stuff up for me. This life is my movie and it ends when I say it ends.....so amuse me!

1) For heaven's sake.....stop going to Adam Sandler movies. Please. He sucks now. Sure, he can still make the face and go "zipppiditeee dooooo", but that was funnier when he wasn't almost 50. He has become the movie star that he was making fun of with Seth Rogen in "Funny People". It's just sad. Make the man raise his game before you go plop down $8 to see his next piece of garbage....which will probably be called "Jack & Jill: Still Sucking". 

2) Enough with the going nuts over a cell phone already. Seriously. If a phone, let's call it the "Douche Bag Talker", comes out in January and you stand in line for it, you do know that they will release the much anticipated "Douche Bag Talker 2" in April, right? And then, they'll add that second camera, so you can take a picture of yourself taking a picture, in August and you'll be in line at 4 a.m. on a Tuesday morning to buy the "Douche Bag Talker 3", which will cost twice as much because it's a limited edition Kelly Ripa model that they are only producing 33 million of. 

3) Stop supporting stupid, careless, corrupt, egotistical bloggers....ummm, politicians. Stop listening to their bullshit as if what they are saying is true. You can bet that if something they do improves your life, it was an accident. An accident they will all too eagerly accept credit for. President Obama gave us "Hope & Change". Hope isn't all that great. If you are stuck in a cave with two broken legs, you better HOPE someone finds your ass, or you're dead. That kind of hope is OK.  But to sit at home and say "I HOPE I can get a better job or I'm going to lose my house." doesn't seem to be the place we really wanted to be at as the richest country in the world. And lest I forget, thanks for the change. Now if I can get a few pieces of paper money to go with it, that'd be great. Oh, and before any of you conservatives think you're getting a pass......ha ha ha ha ha.....Newt Fucking Gingrich seems to be the candidate of choice for the Republicans. What, John McCain isn't available again? If the stable of candidates is SO bad that Newt Gingrich looks really good, maybe we should just stick with Obama, because at least we know just how fucked up he is. No sense in trying to top the last two war mongering, money grubbing bastards. 

4)  Can't we all agree that there shouldn't be a "Lady Ga Ga"? No, I still have never heard a song by her, and considering how much I love music, this should clue in the rest of the planet as to just how little we need her. I've never listened to Amy Winehouse either, but since the technology of "Frankenstein" era medicine doesn't exist, we should hope maybe Ga Ga either goes away or meets up with Amy to make a duet cover album. And by the way, Madonna should probably sue this jackal for stealing her act and taking it to a new low. 

(...and really what's wrong with this picture? A 15 year old girl, with no pants on, standing next to a character from "Alice In Wonderland" Was it pedophile day at Disney World?)

Happy Christmas, holidays, or whatever, and all that. I hope everyone remembers the less fortunate and perhaps grabs a kid off the Angel Tree or drops a few bucks in Santa's bucket. If you drop in $5, ask him to do you a favor and knock it off with the bell until you get out to your car. And remember the reason for the season; making sure that we reduce the number of unemployed by hiring temp workers, being pissed that our relatives never call until the holidays, and ensuring that mutli-billion dollar corporations make as much money as they can, as you buy happiness from them. 

Growing Food In Space? NASA Is On It!

We’ve all seen the movies and television shows that portray space travel as being more than just a few days or weeks living in space, which is a far cry from reality. The media tends to show an exciting future where living in space for very long durations is possible. But, what about food in space? Currently astronauts get their nutrition from tubes or bags of specially prepared meals. But, NASA is finding out that there may be a healthier and more satisfying way for space travelers to enjoy their food. Hydroponic growing in space!

      Some day man will colonize the moon or perhaps another planet, such as Mars. There are a dizzying amount of problems to solve and one of the main trouble areas is how to maintain food supplies. It wouldn’t be very cost effective, or even practical, over time to continuously have to deliver food from the earth to other heavenly bodies. In response to this problem, NASA has begun to study what methods of growing are best suited to space travel and colonization. Hydroponics and aeroponics are two strong contenders to solve the problem of renewable food sources in space.

     Carrying soil and being able to renew nutrients in that soil would prove to be difficult in space flight. But, using lighter growing mediums or no medium at all could be the answer. Using and reusing water and a mix of nutrients would be much more suited to situations where weight and space was an issue. Imagine astronauts as self-sufficient farmers as well as being highly trained pioneers and scientists. Plant growth could produce and renew oxygen supplies and eliminate carbon dioxide from inside of a spacecraft. Presently, scientists are studying which crops are compatible to grow together in small areas, and how zero gravity affects growing plant life. Other possible problems being studied involve the amount of light some plants may need and which fruits and vegetables are more aggressive in the use of nutrients.

It will likely be essential for astronauts and space explorers to be able to produce their own food in future projects that will take years to complete. Imagine that, the current dreams of a youngster will likely be played out in reality over the next couple of decades. No longer will it be science fiction, it's going to be science fact! 

    

This is ground control to major Tom, you've really made the grade 

And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear 

Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare 

"Space Oddity" -- David Bowie

Anyone Can Have Soul!

In the last couple of years, I've really come to appreciate soul music. The sound of 70's soul just does it for me. It feels really good to relax with music that isn't overbearing and sounds just as good loud, as it does at a soft volume. Recently, I've discovered a few albums that have wiggled their way into my consciousness and have found their way on to my IPod and garner regular listens. 

Never in my life, before a few months ago had I heard of Gil Scott-Heron. I was watching a documentary (Still Bill) about the legendary Bill Withers and Withers wife commented that she had her first date with him at a Scott-Heron show. That got me interested and I found "Pieces Of A Man", one of the 16 studio albums released by this unheralded gem. I chose "Pieces Of A Man" because it had the legendary power to the people anthem,

 "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

That pre-rap song doesn't do the rest of the album justice. Scott-Heron tapped into the minds of the poor and hopeless, as well as to his own need to find positives in a world so full of trouble for people who are living at or below the poverty level.  I have to be honest....I've listened to this and I've listened to "What's Going On" by Marvin Gaye and with all due respect to the great Marvin Gay, Scott-Heron's album is better. Just listen to "Home Is Where The Hatred Is" and you will realize that this man had a talent that simply didn't get the exposure that it should have. 

Everyone knows that Al Green is a superstar soul, and r&b singer who was on fire in the 70's. But, he can still  tug at your heart and soul today though. A few years ago, Green released "Lay It Down", a new collection of soul music that harkens back to his highly successful "Let's Stay Together" album, but maintains a modern element. The song "Lay It Down" is as good as anything.....yes, anything that Green has ever released. Don't believe me....give it a click!

Some other r&b or soul artists I really enjoy is the aforementioned Marvin Gaye and Bill Withers as well as The Isley Brothers, Sam Cooke, Kool & The Gang, and Otis Redding. Oh, and I would be remiss if I did not mention Beck. Yeah.....Beck. Who knew?

This is a GREAT home made video of Beck's solid soul tune "Debra"....

"I met you, at JC Penny"

"Step inside my Hyundai"

"I wanna get with you, and your sista, I think her name is Debra"

Only Beck can make those words work the way they do!!

Lay Down, Perch, and Pray Like An All-American!

Yes, I realize this picture has nothing to do with what I'm getting read to lay down, but it's funny. And it's my blog.

Dammit, I love some good old fashioned stupidity as much as the next guy. I've been involved in some low brow, immature shenanigans in my life. I'm good for a laugh, right? Hell, I used to walk around the Jefferson Mall with my buddy Larry, hiding a box inside my jacket that laughed. I pushed the button and it laughed and we walked behind people, keeping straight faces. We would also use the slick floors as a spot to slide headfirst with one or the other of us being the umpire. I was safe more than I was out! So, as you can see, I'm not immune to stupidity. But, I put those things behind me. I told Larry last week that it was my final time sliding in the food court. I've grown. Matured. 

So, I suppose by now, you wanna know just what the hell I'm grinding on about. Well, I'll tell ya. This stupid bullshit..........

Planking

Owling

and Tebowing

Planking? Cheese O'Reilly, are you kidding? In case you are not versed in "plankdom", planking is lying flat in an awkward space. Yeah, you read that shit right. Lying flat. Lying down. You are lyying the fuck down. No effort. No sweating. Just awkward embarrassment when a normal human being walks in and catches you. Of course, there should be a person there taking your picture, because we have just about run outta shit to look at on the internet I guess. Personally, I have never seen planking in action. I'm going to take that away as a positive if I can make it until death without ever having viewed some talentless, humorless, attention whore lying flat on a "WELCOME" sign in front of a McDonalds. 

Just look at this guy. Seriously, this is on the interwebs. It's harrowing, yet the first thing that came to mind was how good it would be to pitch a boiling pot of water on him. 

Alright. Planking. Even "The Office" had a show where the folks at Dunder-Mifflin were exchanging planks in unacceptable ways. So, I'll just leave it alone. But it won't leave me alone. Owling. Owling. Oh, yes, my dear.....owling. I'm sorry I have to just write these words....but it helps me clear my mind and look at it in a way that makes me believe maybe it's not stupid. But guess what....it doesn't work. I'm sure that most of you are aware that many a young man out in the world are involved in "douchebaggery", but did you know that there are many a young (and old) person involved in "owlbaggery"? Owling is when you sit like an owl in an odd location. Again, usually someone is there to capture the "event" for future generations to look at. Can't you hear it now;

FUTURE PERSON 1: 

Hey, Carl, look at this picture I found from 2011.

FUTURE PERSON 2: 

What is that person doing?

FUTURE PERSON 1:

It looks as though he is sitting like one of those extinct flying animals. They used to call them "owls". 

FUTURE PERSON 2:

Things must have been really awesome and going great in the world back then if they could occupy their time by paying homage to the owl and preserving it for us to appreciate.

Yep, the fuckin' planet is going to hell in Kim Kardasian's change purse and we are out there fighting the man, by perching our over sized asses everywhere like Gollum taking a dump over a bottomless pit. 

OK, owling is it, right? Has to be played out. What is there to do but move on in life and maybe go rake the yard, donate an hour of your time to the local food bank, or goof off with the kids? Oh.....glad you didn't ask, but I'm telling you anyhow. Tebowing. Yes. Tebowing. As in Tim Tebow, current quarterback of the NFL's Denver Broncos. Apparently, Tebow prays a lot. And apparently, it's so much that people who don't even know who the hell Tim Tebow is are doing it. Not familiar? Ummm.....you simply go down on one knee and rest your head on your fist as if you are talking to the almighty. I really do wish I was kidding. Hooray for humanity. Tebow is now a verb and will likely get a spot in Websters next edition. There are roughly 37,000 suicides in the United States each year. That's not enough. 

Yes, young and old alike are in on the Tebow. Looks like a lot of fun. Maybe that can be a new pose for my meditation sessions. By the way, if Tebow really is praying that much, he isn't getting much of a return on his investment, at least so far as his NFL career goes. But, I'm positive it will help him hit pay dirt at the pearly gates. 

Oh, and here is a picture of the rare "owlingplanker". Enjoy and be amazed!

PS.....I have to add this, for full disclosure;

The owling is hilarious. I can't help it. I want to hate it with all my heart. As Clayton Bigsby would say; "Open up your heart and let that hate out." I just can't help but laughing at it. It's so ridiculous. Or maybe I'm just smokin' some really good shit.   :-)

And honestly, how pissed off can this planking business make me? In the end, we all wind up planking.