Sunday, August 28, 2011

Facebook: Buh, Bye......

I have to admit it. I believed I would stop messing with Facebook after I wrote this. So sue me, I couldn't do it. I still believe this to be one of my better offerings. I'm bound to hit a bulls eye once in awhile, right? So, I wanted to acknowledge that my self-imposed ban was lifted rather quickly. Anyhow, in case you missed it the first time, here it is again.....and I still stand by every word.....more or less. 

I have to admit.....I really, really enjoy Facebook. It's a great tool for expressing yourself and keeping in contact with others. But, I've had two bouts in the past year or so, where I thought I was spending too much time on it and used it as a forum for my dissatisfaction with our government. Thus, I have decided to let it go, until I need to plug this blog, of course. If anyone is interested in keeping contact with me, I have email; and there is this blog. I will NOT be checking Facebook every day.  

Before I put Facebook in my rear view mirror very far, I, of course, want to have some fun at its' expense. This will probably take a slap at some of you reading this, because I know damn well it's gonna be a slap at me! Please don't get offended, this isn't specific to anyone. 

Come on, let's just admit that there are some pictures people put on Facebook that just don't belong there. The funniest ones are when people put up pics of themselves half naked. Often these pictures are self taken and that in and of itself should send up a red flag that maybe you like yourself a bit too much. Another weird thing is, a lot of these pictures are taken in a bathroom. Creep-O-Rama! Sure, people you know are going to tell you how great the picture is and how super you look....and maybe you do....but they are getting a good laugh behind your back. How do I know this? I do it. And I'm positive I've been laughed at too. It's's just a picture and it's just Facebook. But, don't ever think it's cool. It's not. It's hilarious. On second thought....keep it up! Everyone deserves a laugh. 

Here....some examples for you.....and I pray to Zeus that I don't put up a picture of anyone who owns firearms. Who wants to see this garbage? It's sick and offensive. Downright disgusting! 

Now, that's not to say that I think it's silly or disgusting to post all self taken pictures. There are some that are really tasteful and I'd say, in many respects, downright artistic. I felt obliged to include a few in this blog to offset the pain that I put you through with the above photos!

OK, while I'm stuck on the subject of Facebook pictures, let me get this off my chest.........OK, got it. These pictures of the "pooched" or "kissy" lips have got to be destroyed. I don't know who started this, but this shit needs to end.....NOW!!!!! 

See, look at what you've done. Even kids are doing it. Are you happy? 

Another thing that kills me, is Facebook status updates that involve way too much boring, sappy, or self-righteous information. And this is one I'm really guilty of. We've all done it, but it doesn't make it right! 

Here we go.......

FREDDY: Just got finished with dinner. Had salmon and potatoes.

Really! That's awesome. Tell me more about your dinner. Did you have buttered rolls? Maybe a glass of tea? How would I have gotten through my day without this knowledge?


FREDDY: Be happy. There is no god. You will be dead someday.

Hey, shut up! What the hell do you know about it anyhow? You smoke a little herb, watch a McKenna video and suddenly you have the answer to all of ills that have befallen the planet? Get over yourself, jack ass! Hey, Tommy Chong, go live with the hippies at Ashbury / Haight.


ANYONE:  Hey, babe....thinkin' 'bout ya! Luv ya.

Besides the person who you are probably embarrassing into hanging themselves, most of us don't wanna read that shit. Get a fuckin' room already. Why not post "Luv ya babe, that rim job was sublime." Hilarious thing is, I'd bet a dollar to a donut (and I LOVE donuts) that they are probably in the same house with the person and on different computers talking back and forth (how do I know, you ask? never mind) Just yell up the steps and save us the uncomfortable push of the "LIKE" button. If your relationship is so unbalanced that you need to be petted and assured of love from a significant other via a Facebook post, keep a Dr.Phil book by the bed and think long and hard about a pre-nup or keeping an attorney on retainer.

What about NOT telling us about your awesome vacation? Is it a worthy update? You bet your ass it is, but why do you want to rub our nose in it? I have a couple of friends who go to Florida or the Bahama or some place great like that every year or more. If you selfish people cared about ole' Freddy, he'd be piled up in the back of the mini-van with the kids!

ANYONE:  The sunset is awesome. Having a pina colada. Life is good, here at Club Med!

Yeah.....gotta push "LIKE" on that too....but you know what the rest of us are looking at? Perhaps the dog taking a dump in the backyard. Going over the spelling test our kid got a "D+" on (how do you miss "saw"? it's three friggin' letters). Watching the beautiful smog flow over the city and jets leaving pretty "clouds" behind them. I'm watching the 300 lb neighbor who served as an extra on "Planet of the Apes" on the riding lawnmower with no shirt, and you get to look at bikini clad people all day, while knocking back spiced rum and eating shrimps n' shit. 


ANYONE: I have the guts to post that I support our troops. If you have guts, you'll post this for one day as your status.

Weeeellllllll......fuck you, bub. Saving any lives with that post? Feeling a little superior and bossy today? I support the troops by paying my taxes and wishing they would be brought back home before one more of them had to die for reasons we are not even sure of anymore. Honestly, those posts and the ones about disease and such are nice and thoughtful. I just thought I'd be an equal opportunity hater.


ANYONE:  I lost my car keys. I prayed to Jesus to help me find them. The cat puked on the floor and there they were! Thank you, Lord. 

Oh, for Christ's/Allah's/Vishnu's sake......a kid is dying of cancer somewhere and you just took Yahweh's eye off the ball by worrying about your car keys!!! 

All of which brings me to a crashing conclusion. 

Who the hell are some of the people who want to be my friend? Seriously! What the hell? I had requests from people all over the damn country. Never met any of them. Are they so hungry for some sort of validation in their life that they go around collecting internet friends. Shit....I don't want the friends I have*, let alone have to add some bastard in Cheyenne, Wyoming who thought I was interesting because I listed Dick Cheney on a favorites list somewhere on a political site fifteen years ago (and that's something you just can't take back, so be careful). I had something like 80 "friends". I don't even know the names of 80 people. I've seen people with 500+ friends. Wow.....that's gotta be hard to keep up with when sending out the Christmas cards? 

*Just kidding about not wanting the friends I've got thing. I love (or strongly like) you guys. If you were one of the 80 people on my list, it's probably because I felt a bit of kinship to you, you are a family member, we are friends in "real life", or I just happened to share interests with you. 

One person I have as a friend (David A) is a person I've never met, but because of Facebook, I hope I get to hang out with him at some point in my life. That's one of the things I'll miss. That rare connection we get from sharing parts of our lives that are important to us and have it mirrored in another person somewhere else on the planet. 

Well, there's that. Have a great week and be sure to check back regularly if you care to. I'll be here. Sometimes often. Sometimes not so often. 

Oh...and for those that know me, you won't be surprised that in the time it took you to get to this part of the blog post, I've changed my mind and will keep the account in case I really need to contact someone. Plus.....hell, I'm self centered....I need a place to pimp the blog. It's my life. Up yours!  :-)

If this time should be
anything like the other time, 
this time, will be the last time
"This Time"--Waylon Jennings