I'll keep this brief. I'm sitting here working on a hot mug of apple pie moonshine and reflecting on the evening thus far.
In past years I, admittedly, wasn't thrilled with Christmas. Tonight, I feel a bit melancholy. I wasted a lot of time and a lot of moments wrapped up in my own self induced misery and selfishness. I've never been at a loss for love of my children. They are the most special things to me. Out of a handful of things that I have gotten positively, absolutely right in my life, they are the main ones. That is in conjunction with marrying my wife. My life would be devoid of meaning without them. Honestly, a life not worth having lived.
To the point, there were so many years that I should have held more dear. More precious. I never realized that I would miss them being little more than I do right now. Yeah, I am tearing up and I just can't help it. There was amazement and wonder in their eyes for years and I neglected to play the role of the vampire during that time. I should have been sucking up that anticipation and joy and I let it slip away. Now, the magic of the unknown is gone. It's missing from their Christmas Eve and it's never coming back. We have shared some wonderful moments tonight, with my mom sharing her gifts with them, with making craft plates and the traditional reading of "Twas The Night Before Christmas". Magic has loosened its' grip though. It's now on to tradition.
We won't be tracking Santa tonight on NORAD. Some other kids at some other house will be doing that. Some other parents will be waiting for the kids to go to sleep as they gaze at the Christmas tree, silently enjoying the spectacle and each others company with a sparse word to be said, yet still perfect. Somewhere else, a couple of young girls will be trying so hard to go to sleep so Santa won't pass them by. Somewhere else, those young girls will not be able to find slumber as they hold so much anticipation and excitement in their hearts. Somewhere else, Christmas is full of magic.
Not that our Christmas is bad or ruined. I don't want to project that. In many ways, this has been a fantastic time. My girls are more mature and more understanding of the moment and don't just go through the motions of our traditions. They are active participants. Still yet, something is lost for me and I will not regain it. It went by way too quickly and I didn't stop and embrace it. When my daughters have daughters and sons of their own, I can only hope they will appreciate and cherish the moments they have and be truly present and appreciate the true magic that can only be experienced through the perception of a child.
Appreciate time. It's slipping away and it's unforgiving to those that do not respect its value.
