Friday, January 22, 2010


OK, this is a real treat. I love to search the internet for stupidity. I went to Google and typed in "douchebag", and then clicked "images" and what I saw was awesome. I was transfixed.....mesmerized by what I was seeing! People that I usually laugh at in my mind or point out to friends were all over the place! I clicked page after page and found some of the greatest pictures ever.

Everyone knows at least one douchebag. If you don't, that probably means YOU are, indeed, the douchebag that everyone else knows. Here in Louisville, we have a club spot known as "4th Street Live" and it's the ultimate place in Kentucky to find those who are involved in douchebaggery. There is no doubt that you have seen these guys. Usually they have a popped collar, flat bill cap (usually tilted up and to the side), unnatural looking tan and some sort of suck ass imported brew in their hand that they are too stupid to know sucks. If the douchebag is not wearing a hat, he will have mousse in his hair and it will likely be spiked.  These guys are way too cool to actually smile, so they always have this half-assed grin on their grill and wave to people by cocking an eyebrow. The douchebag, if photographed in his natural habitat (the nightclub) will usually tilt his head back and pucker his lips. Almost a "mean mug", but not quite....because the douchebag may want to give the illusion that he is a handful, but he'd really rather not get into a physical altercation, as it could end up with him having to explain to his mom why $10,000 worth of dental work got blasted across the room.

So, I will leave this blog with some pictures that will help you better identify the douchebag. If you encounter one, stay away. Do not get in the middle of his douchebaggery and be led astray. And women....he may be cute, but this the guy you want to take home to your dad? Because your dad will know the guy is a douchebag and then, through that knowledge will know that you are a bit loose, with no common sense.

This guy is a straight up douchebag. Notice nobody is standing around him. Probably because his only friend is the douchebag holding the camera.

Here we have the rare "Douche Duo". The douchebags try to look exactly alike, because they have a warped sense of what is cool and only each other to rely on to know what's NOT cool. The skanky, 56 pound girl in the middle is someone they both will "do" (and is there any doubt that these guys can't wait to cross swords?), because any self respecting woman wouldn't be able to cast eyes on these guys without laughing.

This is the quintessential douchebag. He is almost perfect in every way. Bad tan. Well maintained eyebrows. Spiked hair. Cubic zirconia ear ring. And a relatively new douchebag accessory, the head band. Oh, and lest I forget, notice the "line" beard, and smooching lips.

Here is a herd of douchebags. Usually, you won't see quite so many all in one spot. I don't think I have to point out that there are no women in the picture. Look at the guy on the far left. In his heart, he's a douchebag, but he will never reach the douchedom of his friends. He has a "Jewfro" and will not be able to attain the straight, spiked look, thus holding him back in his quest to be as douchey as his pals. When he is not around, the others usually make quite a bit of sport outta the guy, not even realizing the irony.

Here we go! This is what I'm talking about baby. These are the kind of douchebags that just make you angry to look at. They are totally distorting what it means to be a human being. Superficial, self centered, and obviously trying to be hard hitters. The guy on the right is trying to make some psuedo gang sign, knowing full well that the only gang he will likely ever be close to is of the bang variety, in which he will be the "bangee". The guy on the left couldn't be any more douched out. He is perfect in his douchebaggedness, in every way.

I give this to you as a guide. You may not know what exactly to look for when out spotting douchebags. So use my words and this photo to help you along. Take your camera if you go out hunting douchebags. They love to be photographed. And since none of them are smart enough to use a computer, you can upload their pictures without their even knowing you were mocking them.

"All I wanna know is why he's such a dick."---Golden Smog w/ Jeff Tweedy

The "Smart" Car

OK, I'm all for people getting good fuel economy and all that stuff. I get it. But I have a request. If you own one of these so called "smart" cars, stay the hell off of the interstates or freeways. It's no place for a friggin' roller skate to be. Some, save the sea monkey, Lisa Loeb looking, chick was barely getting up to 60 mph on the Snyder Freeway this afternoon. It's been a long week and I was ready to get home. The left lane is for people who want to pass others or go at a higher rate of speed. How many people in realize that the reason it's called a "fast lane" is because of speed? So, needless to say, I had to cruise behind this idiot for about 5 miles. She wasn't getting out of the way. Probably had no idea she was holding up traffic as she had her Anni De Franco, man hating bullshit cranked up.

It's not right for some dumb ass to hold up traffic for 1/2 a mile back because they don't have any road etiquette. Eventually, I won't have to worry about that car, because a trucker isn't going to see her and they'll be able to bury her in a match box, after they scrape her carcas off the road with a spoon. It's just dangerous for a car my 5 year old could handle to be on the road.  Even says it shouldn't be used on the highway.

See, this is what I'm reduced to these days. Writing a blog about someone dragging ass in front of me, when I am trying to get home.

I'd say that if you look like this;

you probably love the idea of owning a smart car.

"'s the only way to live, in cars"--Gary Newman

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Time for me to NOT pick on religion

I've been a bit tough on organized religion at times. But, right now, I feel the need to say some positive things. No, I have not gotten back on the wagon, but I do understand that those in religion can and do have a big impact on society.

Yeah, people like Pat Robertson piss me off. I used to be a fan. Watched his 700 Club and all that stuff, but really, his public words work against what he says he loves. Like it or not, Robertson and his ilk do speak for God. Now, they may not REALLY speak for him, but as far as the general population is concerned, they see Robertson as a man of faith and if he is a Christian and believes what he says, then that must mean that all Christians do. That's nonsense, but it's a case of perception being reality.

Enough talk of the "leadership" right now. Let's talk about the rank and file Christian or Muslim (or whatever) who do not have an agenda other than to live a good life and try to make the world a better place. They are people that walk the walk. You may be one of them. These people are in love with their Lord and are interested in not just helping themselves and their families, but others as well. They go out and work in soup kitchens. They donate to charity. They find families in need and help them. They give their time to those less fortunate. I hold people like that in pretty high esteem.

Just because I don't believe in any organized religion (or a messy one) doesn't mean I do not appreciate what the body of that religion can do. You don't have to be religious to be a giver and a helper, but we can all recognize that churches (especially local)can be a great asset in times of disaster and crisis.

The current situation in Haiti breaks my heart. Seeing children lying dead. Seeing mothers looking for their kids in the rubble. Seeing people trying to find loved ones, water, food, medical aide, and shelter. All those things are happening and it's tragic. But, help is there and more is on the way. Folks are overwhelmingly giving money and resources to help out and that deserves a moment of appreciation. Many churches are collecting money and supplies to send to the relief effort. Is it because they believe God would want them too? Probably, but it also reflects on them as human beings. Most people feel the need to help those that can't help themselves and whether it's Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, or just your good nature that is propelling the efforts, it makes no difference. So, when you are praying tonight or when you are just reflecting on the day, take a moment to think about those who are in need and those who are helping.

If you would like to donate money to help out the Haitian relief effort, this link will show you how;