Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Drunk Hims. Drunk Hers.

What's up with all these friggin' rookie drunks these days? Can't anyone get piss drunk and act like they have a little sense? I know we (well, YOU, not me so much) get drunk so we can let down our (again, YOUR) guard, feel good, and escape from the pressure of our every day life, but come on, enough with the stupidity. This isn't about drinking and driving. That's stupid beyond stupid. I'm not going to lecture anyone on that. I don't care if you kill yourself, but have some consideration for others Otis, and don't drink and drive. You could kill a bunch of kids or something, you jackass.

What I want to rip on, is the amateur drunk. You know Him or Her. I'll describe the "Him" first. The  "I'm Funny" drunken him thinks everything he says is funny and if you don't laugh, they are going to keep saying and doing the same thing over and over until you do laugh. They will be too wasted to realize that you are putting them on with a fake "ha ha", so they will take your false laugh as the real thing and continue on. There is no way to control this guy. You can't encourage or discourage him, he will carry on. Then we have the "I Am Rocky" drunken him. This jackal thinks he can whip anyone. Usually he couldn't whip cream, and that's sober. He picks fights with people. He's a smart ass to those who are not drinking and just wanting to enjoy themselves. The guy can't stand to have a good time unless he has some drama going on. He will push and prod until someone finally beats his ass nearly to death. So, how about the "Stumble Bum" drunken him? This is the biggest of all assholes. He can't walk. He stumbles into everyone, spills his beer on you, and half smiles as if he expects you to hand him a meddle for not dumping the whole thing. "Hey, saved it dude!" The Stumble Bum is the moron who believes vomit is controlled voluntarily and will try to spit up into a friggin' Dixie cup. Someone who hasn't had a drop usually has to babysit this buzz killing pud. That same someone usually spends the next day cleaning up vomit and spilled Miller out of the carpet. You can identify the Stumble Bum easily, as he has Chinese eyes, his cheeks are red, and he's mouth breathing. He will almost always look just like this;

Now on to "Her". The female drunkard. Consider the "I'm Too Sexy" drunk her. She is funny to watch, but quickly becomes annoying. This girl is usually wearing a belly shirt and low rider jeans. This girl generally has no business wearing either. This little harlot thinks she can dance way better than she actually can and the only reason she is remotely cute, is because all the drunk guys think they have a shot at "hitting that", and probably do. She drinks to lose her shyness and wants to get so drunk she wouldn't care if she squat humped the Pittsburgh Steelers.....all of the Pittsburgh Steelers. If the girl is pretty, she just wants you to notice her, and then she'll blow you off after you buy her a drink. She usually gives you the wrong phone number and then the trollop.......hey, never mind....I really....ummm....don't know anything about those kinds of girls. Let's move on, shall we? Seriously...

There is also the "Bitch" drunk her. If there is a weak one in your group, then this girl will pick that person out and let them know everything that is wrong with them. Ugly? Have a bad job? Shitty car? Have a pimple? It won't get by her. Her drunk pleasure is  anothers sorrow. Anywhere you go, she won't have a good time. She's the one who talks too much and finally someone has to yell at her. She swings she misses and now she hates everyone. Her best friend has to take her home, undress her, lay her down and kiss her on the forehead, and comfort her, before moving down her neck and on to her supple breasts......wait a second, I'm going to take a break here.........OK, huh?....what was I writing about? Also, the "Fran Drescher" drunk girl is way out of line. You know her, right? For whatever reason as soon as she finishes off her second beer, she begins to get a very nasally laugh; "ah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah".....go ahead, pinch your nose and try it if you don't think it's annoying. Do that very often and you'll be ready to stick a meat themometer in your ears. That one also talks way too loud. It's as if she is trying to talk over a jet engine.

OK.....if any of these people are you.....stop being an a-hole. How about having some drinks and fun? How about actually remembering the time you had? Let everyone else have some fun without you dicking it all up. If you are lucky, you won't wind up having to call your lawyer or mom first thing in the morning. 

" a matter of fact, I like beer." --- Tom T. Hall

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Thinking About Movies

After I saw “Inglourious Basterds” at Cannes, although I was writing a daily blog, I resisted giving an immediate opinion about it. I knew Tarantino had made a considerable film, but I wanted it to settle, and to see it again. I’m glad I did. Like a lot of real movies, you relish it more the next time. Immediately after “Pulp Fiction” played at Cannes, QT asked me what I thought. “It’s either the best film of the year or the worst film,” I said. I hardly knew what the hell had happened to me. The answer was: the best film. Tarantino films have a way of growing on you. It’s not enough to see them once.----Roger Ebert

That's why I love film and watch movies over and over. I'm not a big fan of Roger Ebert, but I think he catches the essence of what I feel sometimes when I see a really good piece of art (film). A really well made, intelligent film, is hard to digest or really sort through on the first watch. There are things going on that you can't consider, because you don't have the time. I didn't care for "O'Brother Where Art Thou?", "The Big Lebowski", "Kill Bill", "Millers Crossing" or "The Royal Tennenbaums" when I first saw them. But, because of who directed them, I realized I had to watch them again to see why I didn't "get it". I knew what was going on, so I could take the time to enjoy the performances and/or the intent of the film. Most Coen Brothers and Tarantino films have layers to them. Tarantino directs his movies as if he were writing a book. He loves dialogue and lets the actors BE the characters in the film. When you see Carradine playing "Bill", you realize that it IS David Carradine. Nobody else could play that part. The same with Brad Pitt playing Aldo Raine in "Inglorious Basterds". Their pacing and "physicality" lend part of themselves to their character and Tarantino gives them the freedom to take over their scenes.

I've converted a couple of people over to the "dark side" when it comes to watching movies more than one time. I've heard it said that once you have seen it, you know what happens, why bother? Well, for many movies that is true. But who watches "It's A Wonderful Life" just once? Any fan of the Kubrick film "The Shining" has seen it multiple times. Ditto for classics like "The Godfather", "Fight Club", "The Wizard Of Oz", or "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance". If you love an album or a song, you don't listen to it once and put it away forever do you? Hell, radio plays the top 3 or 4 charted songs EVERY hour of the day. Great cinema is not to be viewed and put away. Like any other form of art, it's meant to be challenging. It should stimulate conversation and possibly allow you take notice of something in the world or in yourself that you haven't thought of or seen before. Granted, it's the rare film that does that, but if you tie your interest with directors, you will find movies much more satisfying for you.

Everyone loves to love an actor. But it's the directors that I follow. They are what the film industry is about. It's their medium. It's their craft. It's their art. Sure, I'll watch anything that Seth Rogen is in, he's entertaining. But, if I really want to know that I'm likely going to see a quality film, I follow certain directors. John Ford, Stanley Kubrick, PT Anderson, the Coen brothers, Quentin Tarantino, Martin Scorcese, and Ron Howard all produce or have produced stellar work. And not just once, they do it time and time again. And they put so much work and care into it, a person who really appreciates film, has to sit with their movies several times. I have seen "The Godfather" and "Millers Crossing" countless times and they still don't bore me. I get something out of every viewing.

Just thought I'd share that. Now, go rent "It's A Wonderful Life" again and take the time to watch the film unfold and to see how Jimmy Stewarts character "George Bailey" goes from a wide eyed, world in front of him young man, into a resentful middle aged man who blames his inner misery on those around him. You have seen know the focus on what made the film great. The performances and the story of hope, failure, and satisfaction. And......look for "Alfalfa" from The Little Rascals. He's in there.    

One flew over the cocoo's nest
The movies are the craziest
I'll be a movie nut until I die
The movies are great medicine
thank you Tommy Edison
For giving us the best years of our lives

The Statler Brothers