Well, here I am. Over the past 6 or 7 months I've changed quite a bit. My old interests are starting to wane (or have already deteriorated badly) and I just don't have a desire to go back. For most of my life I have been identified with baseball or Louisville sports. I still hold a place in my heart for those things, but they do not define me or my personality any longer.
I have revealed how I've felt, slowly but surely, to all of my "baseball" and "UL" friends in the past few weeks. I think it weirds some people out. Most people don't like change. When you are friends or whatever with someone, it's nice to know what to expect out of them. Every time you get together there is an expectation of what that experience is going to be like. When someone changes, it throws a monkeywrench into the situation and I would guess that it may cause some to reevaluate that friendship.
I have been a really hardcore fan of Louisville for 30 years and now I find myself not interested. I follow them. I read the paper. I will put on the game for a few minutes, but I just am not feeling it anymore. I'm moving on. I'm starting to find my love for music and film again. I want to find a few experiences that are different. I don't want to put my short term joy or contentment on whether or not a sports teams wins. I can't do that anymore. This hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. I guess what is hardest on me is having to explain my feelings over and over to mostly unbelieving friends. Some friends and co-workers have chose to ignore my disinterest and speak to me as if I'm watching every play of every game and staying on message boards all day long. I assure you guys........I do not.
So, what happens from here? I'm not sure. I went to the service yesterday, but never went into the church. I hung out with friends and did what I could have done at home. Cookout, play games, and goof off. I guess what I'm trying to make myself say is that I don't need it. I have moved on from my religion. I have left it (or am leaving it) behind....in the rear view mirror....it gets smaller and smaller as I move forward. I feel free. I feel liberated from the trappings of being a part of the congregation. It's not in my heart......
Good bye.
"Life is bigger. Bigger than you, and you are not me..."--Losing My Religion--REM
Life is all about seasons. I once read there are four primary seasons in a man's life: Infancy, Martial (war-making, lol, football/sportsmadness, competition-craving, and really, establishing one's place in the world, with family and work), "The Writer" (where we try and get the tools together to analyze things in more depth and make interesting connections) and the "Sage" - where religious matters probably belong - with the oldest people. Personally, I went straight "Sage". ;-)
ReplyDelete