Friday, November 20, 2009

Say It Ain't So Sammy!

Alright, anyone who knows me or has read this blog knew this was coming. What in the hell is going on here? Sammy Sosa is now white? Before continuing, I have to ask; why would someone do this? He has a look in the picture like "Yo, man, jou know I'm loogin' vantastic, baby!" It's absurd.  You don't see white people painting themselves black!!

OK, strike that last statement. The thing is, Sammy Sosa was just a regular looking Hispanic dude. By any measure, he wasn't a terrible looking human being. Sure, the guy has a head that would put Bill Clintons to shame, but it wasn't that bad. Maybe he thought turning white would take the attention away from his large cranium? If that was the case;

Sammy is just flat out creepy now. He almost has a "Joker" vibe going on. And his hair is all greased and matted down like John Tuturro's in "Millers Crossing", or I suppose it even looks like Betty Boops, sans the grease (because it's a cartoon, what does grease look like in cartoon?).

Perhaps he just wants to follow in the footsteps of the incomparable Michael Jackson? Hey, ever notice in this picture that MJ's left eye is off kilter? Did he have that altered too? Maybe to retain some blackness in honor of Sammy Davis, Jr.???

Or perhaps with the success of the "Twilight" movies, he's going for the male vampire look?

Jack White of the appropriately named "White Stripes" can't even beat out Sammy for white and creepy. And by the way, I think Johnny Depp may want to have his lawyer talk to Jack's lawyer. He stole his look for Edward Scissorhands.

Yes, I realize this blog is full of pictures and not so full of my words. Honestly though, you must admit that the pictures speak volumes and my adding very much to said pictures would probably take away from their sheer ability to creep a person out.

So congrats Sammy.....

You are now creepier than this kid....and I thought this was a creepy a picture as I ever saw. 

(Jeebus kid, it's just bread and jam, not a filet mignon)

I Said If
You're Thinkin' Of
Being My Brother
It Don't Matter If You're
Black Or White

"Black or White"---Michael Jackson


  1. LOL, Freddy, Funny post. What is it with Sammy? Is that real? I'm late to his "I'm white!" party. For some black people, historically, they hated themselves and their color, it's true. There are lots of ways to react to being discriminated against in every conceiveable way. Eldridge Cleaver said "Rage" was the black man's biggest enemy. That makes more sense to me than this. This is weird.

  2. Oh,'s real Steve. I about cried laughing when I saw that. He says he is just using "skin softener".