Sunday, February 21, 2010

Are your pets ready for the rapture?

 (click the link above)

I have to admit, I find this interesting. Are you and your pets prepared for the rapture? We all love our pets and often times we consider them important members of the family. Well, when those who are Christian get called away, what will become of the family pets that are left behind? Will they sit and wonder where everyone went and slowly starve to death? Do you have a non-believer family member or friend who will take care of your pets? Can you really trust that, that will happen? Now, you don't have to leave it to chance or guess work. You can have animal loving atheists care for your pets!

That's right, it's the newest sham service to provide heaven bound, raptured Christians peace of mind as they leave this terrible, sinful planet. It's only $110 (plus $15 for each additional pet), and who wouldn't gladly pay that to make certain that good ole' Fido, Lucky, and Tabby continue to live a full life after the lucky few are sucked up into the clouds? This is tremendous and sure to be one of the final signs that the apocalypse is right upon us! Now that the pets are cared for, what's left? Let's get this armageddon started! 

You'll be more than happy to know that if you have a camel, donkey, or llama, and you live in New Hampshire, Vermont, Idaho, or Montana, your pet will be covered as well! You also get a guarantee that the folks you pay to take care of your pets will not be raptured along with you.
Q: How do you ensure your representatives won't be Raptured.
A: Actually, we don't ensure it, they do.  Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with
Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.

It's just that simple. Please, get the coverage that your pets need and the peace of mind you deserve as you get to shout a big ole' "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" to all the unbelievers left behind. 

You know, all that sounds great. It really does. But, if you can't trust an atheist right now, in the tangible world we live in, how can you be sure that they will take care of your pets and not just take your money? After all, they are godless heathens, worse than any Muslim, Jew, or Scientologist. They have no belief and therefore no moral center. And, will they influence your pet? Perhaps your pet will begin to lack respect. Perhaps your pet will start to bite people. Perhaps your pet will become addicted to table scraps. Perhaps your pet will regress from all the tricks and house breaking you have put them through taught them. So, on second thought, maybe it'd be best to have the animals put to sleep, as Christian pets, before they are given over to the heathen and selfish ways of the atheists. After all, there is only one thing worse than leaving your pets to an atheist, it's having your beloved animal go to pet hell. 

OK, so never mind about all that other stuff. Don't leave your pets behind for atheists to care for. Give them to well intentioned agnostics, who may or may not come around to Jesus or have them put to sleep. It may not put you at total peace, but at least the atheists won't have a chance to sacrifice your pets to some demon or devil from the netherworld. 

Or, maybe the pets have their own heaven....if they accepted Jesus.

Only a fool would want to stick around
When you're heaven bound
Kelly Willis (Heaven Bound)



  1. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. ROFLMAO! But what if they had a Rapture and nobody came? What if the Rapture is one of God's experiments and he cleans house by taking only the stupidest and most gullible people, so that human progress can recommence?

    Oh - wait. That's already the Plan. ;-)

    Will Rogers: "I don't know where dogs go when they die. All I know is, I want to go where they go." Right arm, Will!