Saturday, December 25, 2010

Here it is........Christmas morn'!

What a tremendous Christmas here at Freddy's! The kids are 11 and 6, and still believe in Santa. How long do we perpetuate it? I guess as long as they keep believing. It's fun to see the excitement in their eyes, though I could do with them getting about half as much stuff, simply so they could focus more on what they have, but my wife loves to shop for them and I'm not about to discourage her from that part of the Christmas joy.

Is Christmas over commercialized and saturated with sappy sentimentality? Sure it is. And that's the point, I think. If we can't have one time a year to reflect on our lives, take stock in the love we share with family and friends and light up the souls of children, then why bother existing at all?

Here is what was big in our household this Christmas;

1) Justin Bieber--- The kid runs my home. There are trading cards, cardboard cut outs (yes, they are life sized....yes, they are VERY scary), CD's, magazines, shirts, blankets, wallets, spatula's, dolls, condoms, posters, butt plugs, toe nail clippers, jewelry, tampons, and anti-itch creams.......all about Justin Bieber. The dude has his face on everything. Heaven forbid that he hooks up with Hannah Montana and they have a kid. I'd probably have to build a shrine to it in the front yard. We seem to be, much to my chagrin, Bieber Believers.

2) I-something or another----Apple pretty much rules the world we live in now. I resisted for so long. Then, my cousin got an IPod. Not to be outdone....I got an IPod. So my wife wouldn't miss her one. Now, my oldest daughter has one. What am I gonna do now? I'm gonna have to become a cyber criminal. There is no way to afford all the music that is going to be asked to be put on these contraptions. Napster move over, there's a new pirate in town. "Arrghhh....Ya got any 2 Live Crew, for downloadin' on yer web site, matey?" (in my best pirate voice)

3) The wife got a new lap top!!! The old one just wasn't cutting it anymore. I love that my wife resists all these temptations of the flesh (TV, satellite radio, mp3, cell phones, etc), but when she finally succumbs, it's like a Robert Downey cocaine relapse! She gets into it. I shit you not....she played bunco (yeah, I did say bunco) on Facebook for 3 hours the other night. And who was on the old lap top? My daughter. Also playing bunco. But that's not enough, they are playing bunco, in the same game room, against one another. That's just a waste of valuable internet space! What if someone was desperately trying to get emails through the internets and they were clogging up the wide world of webs? It's dangerous and irresponsible!

4) Nintendo DS....or DS-I....or BS..Wii..or...Wii-Wii...hell, it's hard to keep up. When I was a kid and you had a Nintendo, that's just what you had. FRIEND: Hey, do you have a Nintendo? ME: Yes, I have a Nintendo.  It was just that simple. Now, my six year old can get on a toy, connect to the internet and exchange pictures with some six year old in Japan (which is pretty cool) or she can look up porn (and porn to her would be outtakes and deleted scenes from I-Carly).

5) Bluray movies---- Yes, that's my area. I've been stressing the importance of my receiving movies for Christmas, for about 10 years. It's finally paying off. All the episodes of "My Name Is Earl", a comedy or two, and the best of the Nipsy Russell Show.

6) Cash----No, not Johnny, but money. Who doesn't love to get cash or gift cards???  Now, you can go spend money the way you want to. And no, don't be one of those people who pays bills with your Christmas booty! (well, unless you are freezing cold or hungry) Get something that you WANT, but wouldn't ordinarily buy for yourself. Like a Vin Diesel snuggie or an autographed picture calendar of your favorite stripper. I'm gonna load mine up on a card (well, after I buy the stripper calendar, of course) and buy a few books for the ole' Kindle (and I say "ole" because they came out with a new version about 10 minutes after I bought mine...thanks Amazon) and probably a couple more movies that my wife refuses to spend the money on, for me.

And the greatest line of insincerity exposed happened in our home this morning;

My six year old was plowing through the mountain of gifts. Her reactions were perfect, as she beamed, gloated, and had breathless excitement as each gift was opened (it could have been a can of sardines and she'd pee herself). To go with her Nintendo.......DS........I..........she got one of those little memory cards. She opened it and was like " switching gears and back to her usual subdued self). Seriously. I have no idea what this is." 

Ah, kids......can't live with 'em and you can't put 'em back.

Happy Holidays, Christmas, Hanukkah.....or whatever it is you celebrate this time of year.

Whoops....sorry kids....Santa pissed himself again. Give him a break. It was a long night.

"Joy, Love, and Piss on Earth"

No comments:

Post a Comment