Even when I'm down I can always find a reason to laugh. I have felt disconnected for a few days. Maybe it's just my depression, but it feels heavy. I must say that in the past, this is where I would have to shut myself off from everything for a few days. I'd be mad, confused, and determined to walk the plank. I have those feelings too, but they are not bubbling to the surface to have an impact on my outward appearance or my attitude. Probably because of the things I've learned over the past couple of years.
Maybe I'm becoming more connected with the reality and the gravity of the situation. That situation, is life. We are never given the keys. We are never told when to start running. We are never told that the game has begun. And most importantly, we are never told the object of the game. Sure, we have rules laid down, but who made those rules? Why do we HAVE to follow them? Why is it that most people are not TRULY happy with their lives in so many aspects, yet we continue to live the way we do as a society, culture and/or species?
I feel like we've had all this shame, expectation, and structure drilled into us since birth and it's no fault of our parents or grandparents or great grandparents. It's the way the system has developed, over time. Over thousands of years even. Ever watch ants work? I mean, really watched them? There are queen ants and there are worker ants. The workers do the producing. They keep the system going for the queen and the continuation of ant existence. Are we different at a base level? Corporations run the globe. They run quite a bit of the worlds governments and the more power they have, the less we do, as human beings. We are beginning to exist for the sheer continuation of forces of power and wealth that we will never be able to attain.
Most of us work for someone else. We are beholden to them. They make most of the rules for our lives. Think about that. A person needs someone to do a job. This person is a owner or boss. The other person is the employee. The boss controls much of that employees life. Why? Because people need to earn money in order to live. And we are sold this bill of goods that our lives can't be complete and we can't find happiness without owning a $30,000 car or a $200,000 house.......or a 300 disc CD changer........or the latest IPod, IPad, or I-whatever. We are bombarded with "Ya Gotta Eat", "I'm Lovin' It", "We Roll Back Prices", "We Bring Good Things To Life" or "Fair & Balanced". It's drilled into our brains at every turn since our birth. Work begins at 9 am. Work ends at 5 pm. You can go eat at noon. You have to work this Saturday. You have to be here every day or you will be "written up" or maybe fired. Kid is sick and need to take him to the doctor? See if you can get someone else to do it, we really need you here today.
Years ago, people who had the money or the vision to see that the population was growing at a rapid rate started setting things in motion that would drive our society and put wealth and power into the hands of the few, while basically enslaving the rest of the people. So, here we are. Having our personal lives controlled because of the fear that we will lose the ability to buy the things we need for survival. And the things we need, in our modern society, are all owned and controlled by a large entity at the other end of the spectrum from you and I. Watch the film "Wall-E". Yeah, it's a cute, kids film....but really watch it with an eye on what it's SHOWING you.
Something else.......ownership. We don't own anything....not really. You buying a house? Get it paid off and then don't pay taxes on it for a couple of years. Your ass will be out in the street watching the new "owners" take over. Want freedom? You better not live on this planet. Don't pay income taxes and see what happens to your ass. You will be hounded and eventually jailed. You don't own yourself, if you hold down a job. You are at the beck and call of the company ownership and the government. You have to work hard to make the boss 20, 30, 40, 50, 1,000 times what you make. You have to work hard to pay your "fair share". Meanwhile, those who make the most money, from being entrepreneurs, politicians, or entertainers get every fucking loophole to get out of paying their "fair share". Some of them pay less than you and I do, on a percentage basis. You don't often see any of them going to jail for not paying taxes or breaking the law. They are the law. They are a part of the top rung of the ladder, with their boot stuck out, to keep you from getting too close.
Right now.....right this very moment, there is a battle going on out in the world. It's a battle for control of the worlds oil and ideology. I am not an American hater. I'm a realist. Our government and the corporate interests that control it, are gobbling up as much power and influence as possible. We never miss an opportunity to "help" a nation overthrow tyrannical leaders in Iraq, Afghanistan, or Libya. But, when hundreds of thousands are suffering, dying, and being tortured in South Africa we do nothing. Why? Because we don't have any interests right there, right now. War for oil? I used to not believe that. I do now. We are putting our foot down in the middle east. We are imperialistic, but we masquerade as humanitarians. Japan is in dire trouble, but we've pushed that to the 3rd or 4th page of the paper. We spend a trillion dollars on military operations around the world, every year. The rest of the globe.......combined, spends a trillion dollars, every year.
But, so few have opened their eyes. The information is out there. It's just below the surface, though most of us want to keep our minds on important things, like "American Idol", wrestling, basketball, etc. Not that those things don't have their use, but we've become a culture where those things take a larger role in our lives than our mates, children, and friends. They take a bigger role than our ability to live life in a more free way. And the sad thing is.......most people never see it. And if it's brought to their attention, they dismiss it. They don't even WANT to see it. We are too comfortable and settled into the way of life that is pre-determined for us, from birth.
Learn to walk
Learn to talk
Learn to listen to anyone with more power than you
Learn just enough at school to be able to produce
Learn a lot at school and you get to be in the middle instead of the bottom
Learn to drive
Get a job
Get a car
Get a mate
Get a house
Teach the kids what you have learned
Work, work, work.........and play on weekends....but not too much, lest you can't be a good producer
Listen to radio
Watch the news
Vote and rely on one of the two parties
Work until you are 65 or 70
In one form or another, that's the life almost everyone of us lives. How many of you can just call work tomorrow and say, "Hey, I want to spend a couple of days to myself or with my kids."??? Not very many of us. We'll get 10 questions as to why. We'll be told we can't take off without a doctors note. The corporations ship jobs over seas and then hang us over a barrel. Wages and inflation have gone in drastically different directions since about 1970. We are making less, but the prices of our lives have gone way up. We don't have any options. If you miss work, without a doctors permission, or you miss it without giving a months notice, they'll fire your ass and there are no jobs out there to be had.
Is all this shit depressing? Damn straight. What can we do? I don't know. It's all too big, I think. It just sucks to wake up to it and realize that few others see it or ever care to see it. The lack of acknowledgement of the true nature of our existence troubles me.
I don't have a lot of options in the way of connecting with another person. I no longer buy into very much of the things that are out there to draw people together into clans of common interest. I place a higher importance on my thought. I'm not saying that it's right or even smart.......but that's the way I do it. I think a lot. I read a lot. I watch a lot of documentaries. I just don't draw enjoyment out of the very things that are designed to distract me from the grave nature of existence. The finality of it all. When we can no longer give, we die. And make sure, if nothing else, to get that out of anything I've ever said. We are ALL going to die. You, me, your kids, my kids, your best friends, your favorite movie star, the president......none of us are getting out alive. So, I just can't understand why we live the way we do. Overall, is what I'm speaking of. Just an individual here and there can go against the grain and do OK, but as a species, why are so many of us on this planet oppressed by the few? I tell you why. Because they figured out, how to give us the illusion of freedom and keep us enslaved. Give us just enough to want more. Give us just enough to keep us locked in. For example; when the major housing lenders fucked up, the government gave them YOUR money (and mine) to help them out. Imagine that. When one of our friends is in financial trouble and has a ballooning payment that he/she can't afford, they get booted out of their house. No bailout for them, even though their tax money went to bailing out multi-billion dollar companies. A family will suffer and come under great pressure to even feel like they can survive. And it's happening EVERYWHERE!!!!
There are no jobs, yet when someone is on welfare we bitch about them and tell them to get a job!!! Why? So, they can earn $7 an hour, which isn't enough to take care of themselves, let alone a family. Then, if they do get that job, they get cut out of financial help in some instances. Be on welfare.....be poor. Get a job.....be poorer. Think about it. Most of us actually blame the poor and the unfortunate for their plight, when we have allowed it to happen to them over the course of decades in our very own country......America, the home of opportunity.
Take a look at the "budget battle". Our spending and debt is measure in TRILLIONS of dollars. That's one billion dollars more than 999 billion dollars. And we are seeing these idiots in Washington DC and on the news squabble over 6 billion dollars in cuts? It really is laughable. It's an illusion to get you and I to think that there are people out there fighting over our interests. Seriously. Do the math. 6 billion dollars out of trillions. It's like you and your husband and wife deciding to cut $6 out of your yearly budget. As if it's going to make any sort of difference in your finances.
It's all so fucking hilarious!!!!
The horror......the horror.
Seeing the reality of the modern world shakes me up. So, maybe I'm the one who is the fool. By opening my eyes. By looking behind the curtain. I am the one who has to swim against the current. Maybe I should just go with it. It all ends the same anyhow. What the hell does knowledge mean? I guess it means walking towards the cliff to jump off instead of running towards it, I suppose.
Freddy Caple April, 2011