Saturday, November 19, 2011

Lay Down, Perch, and Pray Like An All-American!

Yes, I realize this picture has nothing to do with what I'm getting read to lay down, but it's funny. And it's my blog.

Dammit, I love some good old fashioned stupidity as much as the next guy. I've been involved in some low brow, immature shenanigans in my life. I'm good for a laugh, right? Hell, I used to walk around the Jefferson Mall with my buddy Larry, hiding a box inside my jacket that laughed. I pushed the button and it laughed and we walked behind people, keeping straight faces. We would also use the slick floors as a spot to slide headfirst with one or the other of us being the umpire. I was safe more than I was out! So, as you can see, I'm not immune to stupidity. But, I put those things behind me. I told Larry last week that it was my final time sliding in the food court. I've grown. Matured. 

So, I suppose by now, you wanna know just what the hell I'm grinding on about. Well, I'll tell ya. This stupid bullshit..........



and Tebowing

Planking? Cheese O'Reilly, are you kidding? In case you are not versed in "plankdom", planking is lying flat in an awkward space. Yeah, you read that shit right. Lying flat. Lying down. You are lyying the fuck down. No effort. No sweating. Just awkward embarrassment when a normal human being walks in and catches you. Of course, there should be a person there taking your picture, because we have just about run outta shit to look at on the internet I guess. Personally, I have never seen planking in action. I'm going to take that away as a positive if I can make it until death without ever having viewed some talentless, humorless, attention whore lying flat on a "WELCOME" sign in front of a McDonalds. 

Just look at this guy. Seriously, this is on the interwebs. It's harrowing, yet the first thing that came to mind was how good it would be to pitch a boiling pot of water on him. 

Alright. Planking. Even "The Office" had a show where the folks at Dunder-Mifflin were exchanging planks in unacceptable ways. So, I'll just leave it alone. But it won't leave me alone. Owling. Owling. Oh, yes, my dear.....owling. I'm sorry I have to just write these words....but it helps me clear my mind and look at it in a way that makes me believe maybe it's not stupid. But guess doesn't work. I'm sure that most of you are aware that many a young man out in the world are involved in "douchebaggery", but did you know that there are many a young (and old) person involved in "owlbaggery"? Owling is when you sit like an owl in an odd location. Again, usually someone is there to capture the "event" for future generations to look at. Can't you hear it now;

Hey, Carl, look at this picture I found from 2011.

What is that person doing?

It looks as though he is sitting like one of those extinct flying animals. They used to call them "owls". 

Things must have been really awesome and going great in the world back then if they could occupy their time by paying homage to the owl and preserving it for us to appreciate.

Yep, the fuckin' planet is going to hell in Kim Kardasian's change purse and we are out there fighting the man, by perching our over sized asses everywhere like Gollum taking a dump over a bottomless pit. 

OK, owling is it, right? Has to be played out. What is there to do but move on in life and maybe go rake the yard, donate an hour of your time to the local food bank, or goof off with the kids? Oh.....glad you didn't ask, but I'm telling you anyhow. Tebowing. Yes. Tebowing. As in Tim Tebow, current quarterback of the NFL's Denver Broncos. Apparently, Tebow prays a lot. And apparently, it's so much that people who don't even know who the hell Tim Tebow is are doing it. Not familiar? simply go down on one knee and rest your head on your fist as if you are talking to the almighty. I really do wish I was kidding. Hooray for humanity. Tebow is now a verb and will likely get a spot in Websters next edition. There are roughly 37,000 suicides in the United States each year. That's not enough. 

Yes, young and old alike are in on the Tebow. Looks like a lot of fun. Maybe that can be a new pose for my meditation sessions. By the way, if Tebow really is praying that much, he isn't getting much of a return on his investment, at least so far as his NFL career goes. But, I'm positive it will help him hit pay dirt at the pearly gates. 

Oh, and here is a picture of the rare "owlingplanker". Enjoy and be amazed!

PS.....I have to add this, for full disclosure;

The owling is hilarious. I can't help it. I want to hate it with all my heart. As Clayton Bigsby would say; "Open up your heart and let that hate out." I just can't help but laughing at it. It's so ridiculous. Or maybe I'm just smokin' some really good shit.   :-)

And honestly, how pissed off can this planking business make me? In the end, we all wind up planking.

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