Sunday, December 11, 2011

What Do I Want For Christmas?

I'm a man of simple pleasure. I don't need anything more than my 42" Samsung plasma television. I have an HD DVD player. I have a PS3. I have 5.1 surround sound with a Panasonic receiver that can shake the pictures off the wall. I have an IPod classic that I only keep 6 or 7 thousand songs on. Sure, I may have a Roku 2 and a Technics turntable and 300 blu ray movies. But again, I am a man that doesn't need much. Just my TV, my HD DVD player, PS3, surround sound, IPod, Roku, and my turntable. Oh, and don't forget the 300 blu ray movies. Shit....also, I like my Kindle...forgot about that. So other than all the aforementioned (and the Kindle) I'm a man of simple pleasure. So, I won't be asking for gifts of the physical nature from Kris Kringle. As a matter of fact, he can't do squat for me in 2011. You guys need to go out and shake some stuff up for me. This life is my movie and it ends when I say it amuse me!

1) For heaven's sake.....stop going to Adam Sandler movies. Please. He sucks now. Sure, he can still make the face and go "zipppiditeee dooooo", but that was funnier when he wasn't almost 50. He has become the movie star that he was making fun of with Seth Rogen in "Funny People". It's just sad. Make the man raise his game before you go plop down $8 to see his next piece of garbage....which will probably be called "Jack & Jill: Still Sucking". 

2) Enough with the going nuts over a cell phone already. Seriously. If a phone, let's call it the "Douche Bag Talker", comes out in January and you stand in line for it, you do know that they will release the much anticipated "Douche Bag Talker 2" in April, right? And then, they'll add that second camera, so you can take a picture of yourself taking a picture, in August and you'll be in line at 4 a.m. on a Tuesday morning to buy the "Douche Bag Talker 3", which will cost twice as much because it's a limited edition Kelly Ripa model that they are only producing 33 million of. 

3) Stop supporting stupid, careless, corrupt, egotistical bloggers....ummm, politicians. Stop listening to their bullshit as if what they are saying is true. You can bet that if something they do improves your life, it was an accident. An accident they will all too eagerly accept credit for. President Obama gave us "Hope & Change". Hope isn't all that great. If you are stuck in a cave with two broken legs, you better HOPE someone finds your ass, or you're dead. That kind of hope is OK.  But to sit at home and say "I HOPE I can get a better job or I'm going to lose my house." doesn't seem to be the place we really wanted to be at as the richest country in the world. And lest I forget, thanks for the change. Now if I can get a few pieces of paper money to go with it, that'd be great. Oh, and before any of you conservatives think you're getting a pass......ha ha ha ha ha.....Newt Fucking Gingrich seems to be the candidate of choice for the Republicans. What, John McCain isn't available again? If the stable of candidates is SO bad that Newt Gingrich looks really good, maybe we should just stick with Obama, because at least we know just how fucked up he is. No sense in trying to top the last two war mongering, money grubbing bastards. 

4)  Can't we all agree that there shouldn't be a "Lady Ga Ga"? No, I still have never heard a song by her, and considering how much I love music, this should clue in the rest of the planet as to just how little we need her. I've never listened to Amy Winehouse either, but since the technology of "Frankenstein" era medicine doesn't exist, we should hope maybe Ga Ga either goes away or meets up with Amy to make a duet cover album. And by the way, Madonna should probably sue this jackal for stealing her act and taking it to a new low. 

(...and really what's wrong with this picture? A 15 year old girl, with no pants on, standing next to a character from "Alice In Wonderland" Was it pedophile day at Disney World?)

Happy Christmas, holidays, or whatever, and all that. I hope everyone remembers the less fortunate and perhaps grabs a kid off the Angel Tree or drops a few bucks in Santa's bucket. If you drop in $5, ask him to do you a favor and knock it off with the bell until you get out to your car. And remember the reason for the season; making sure that we reduce the number of unemployed by hiring temp workers, being pissed that our relatives never call until the holidays, and ensuring that mutli-billion dollar corporations make as much money as they can, as you buy happiness from them. 

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