Saturday, July 30, 2011

Bedtime Prayers for Kids

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I awake
I pray to the Lord my soul to take

Oh, yeah......start 'em out young. Get that fear to course through their little minds. Don't let them come to their own conclusions based on critical thought, beat them down with the fear of death. Is that any way to run a religion? I remember saying that prayer and at times wondering why would god let me die while I was asleep. This was back before cable TV, so it's not like I could put on a pot of coffee and enjoy a Nick at Night marathon of "Happy Days", while trying to avoid some sort of sleeping death that apparently "the Lord" didn't care to control. That's some sad and sadistic stuff right there. "If I should die before I awake"? wonder it's hard to get kids to go to bed. I'm shocked there isn't a syndicate of crystal meth 7 year old kids, whose only goal is to not fall asleep.

Four posts around my bed,
Four angels around my head,
One to watch and one to pray
And two to keep the Devil away.

Second verse....scarier than the first!? Wow, now this may be even worse than the first part of the prayer where you have to ask god not to let you die, or since he is the all being master of time, space, and dimension, not to kill you. Myself, I find it a little bit creepy to think of angels or anything else watching me as I sleep. That's some Max Cady shit, right there. And two angels to keep the devil away? Now, a kid not only has to worry about dying, he/she has to worry about the devil showing up and milling around in their bedroom? What could possibly interest the devil? Maybe the Justin Beiber posters draw the Lord of the Underworld in to a child's room, I don't know.

For the religious, prayer can be a powerful tool to ease the mind and take the burden off of a tough situation. It seems natural, if you believe in a god, to lay your life and troubles at the feet of that god who is listening and cares. But how about taking the kids in the direction of love and forgiveness instead of playing on their fears? It's hard to be a kid, remember? Scared of darkness. Scared of things that are not easily understood. Trying to make sense of things that go wrong. Uncertainty in new situations. Why send them to bed with one more fear? If you are gonna brainwash...........ummmm......teach your kids about god, why in the world would you want that to come from a place of fear and uncertainty, when you can get to the same place with love, kindness, sympathy, forgiveness, and understanding? You may know the almighty as full of vengeance and furious anger, as well as his having the ability to smite (had to throw that one in that word.....smite), but that's not for a child. Is it?

Aren't you glad you have me to read, so you can know how to raise your kids? You don't have to thank me. Heroes just do what feels right. So, here is a prayer that I made up......was inspired to pass on.

God, please help me to be kind and forgiving. I give thanks for all that I have, especially for the people who I love and that love me. And especially, o 'Lord take time to smite (got it in there again!) the fucktards in Washington DC who have crippled our economy at the expense of the poor and middle class. Please bless the holy trilogy; the Internet, Google, and And don't forget to increase the price of stocks for Apple, McDonald's, Wells Fargo, and Nike. Oh, and kill the Muslims, blasphemers that they are. 

Oh, they're halfway there
Oh, living on a prayer
Take my hand
We'll make it I swear
Oh, living on a prayer

Bon Jovi


  1. SO stealing that last pic! :-)

  2. That's how it works. You are a nasty sinner. So live up to it or Jesus will have died in vain. ;-)