Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year's Resolutions & Predictions 2013 Style!

Like most everyone else, I don't keep my New Year's resolutions. I'm not even one who really, in any formal way, makes many. Here I am though, writing while the rest of the world is sleeping, still passed out in a pool of stale beer, blood, vomit, and semen, waking up next to someone they don't even know, or puking their mixed drinks and 'lil smokies from the night before. I am going to  make a couple of resolutions and predictions for 2013 with no intention of working very hard to achieve the goals. 

* Lose 25 lbs
* Lose 5 lbs (at least this might happen accidentally)
* Stop worrying about what's gonna happen tomorrow
*Do 5 minutes of stand up at an open mic (this is now 3 years running)
*Deal with my fear of flying

*I won't do any of my resolutions
*THIS dude that looks like an Asian Ricky Gervais will be long forgotten by 2014

*The world will end on 12/31/13, as the calendar on my wall runs out on that day.
*Abe Vigoda lives on!
*Joan Rivers continues to not realize she's been dead for six years.
*Miley Cyrus comes clean and admits she is also Hannah Montana.
*Hardee's will continue to be in business for some reason.
*Arrested Development returns, is hilarious, and nobody watches.
*I am going to be forced to board a plane for work reasons and it will crash.
*The last seconds of my life will be brutally horrible. 
*Nothing matters much from here now does it?


  1. Funny! No, you are not going to die in a plane crash! I say so!!! I hate flying too but just have a drink or two & sit back & relax. Hell nothing really is in our control anyway. Have a wonderful 2013!!!

  2. My prediction is you will be doing Gangnam Style around the house with Lindsey & Savannah :)